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about Asia Buzz
Culture on Demand: Bad Hair Week
Stick to my rating plan on your way to happiness
By
STAN STALNAKER
June
10, 2000
Web posted at 3:30 p.m. Hong Kong time, 3:30 a.m. EDT
It's been one of those weeks. The e-mail doesn't work right, my friends
think they might be pregnant, I lost my wallet (again), the neighbors
are getting divorced, my roommate has the sniffles, and Microsoft
applications are trashing work because I forgot to offer burnt sacrifices
to the Windows 2000 God.
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 ASIA BUZZ
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Letter
from Japan: Party Tricks
The Liberal Democratic
Party is set to return to power
- Friday,
June 9, 2000
Asia
Buzz: Gold, Gold, Gold!
Sydney gets ready to throw another (golden) shrimp on
the barbie
- Thursday,
June 8, 2000
Asia
Buzz:
Independence Day
Free Papua: the information war is half the battle
- Wednesday,
June 7, 2000
Asia
Buzz: Doomed-To-
Repeat-It.Com
Not the News. Not now!
- Monday,
June 5, 2000
Culture
on Demand: World Class Cities
Your country needs you
- Saturday, June 3, 2000
Letter
from Japan: History Lesson
Straight from the horse's mouth
- Friday,
June 2, 2000
Asia
Buzz: Unfinished Business
Why I joined the world's smallest company
- Thursday,
June 1, 2000
Subcontinental
Drift: The Tax Test
Musharraf must show he is tougher than Bhutto and Sharif
- Thursday,
June 1, 2000
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 ASIAWEEK
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Intelligence
The story behind today's news from the editors of Asiaweek
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This was also the week I found out how much my lawyer REALLY charges
and the week my friends stole my SIM card. Stealing SIM cards from
a mobile phone should be punishable with fines or imprisonment, as
it cuts off a vital circulation point for me -- my mouth. Even all
my business dinners were drama-disasters, complete with sexual intrigue
and tongue-tied conversation.
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INTERACTIVE |
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Ticked off at Asia Buzz? Turned on? Talk back to
TIME
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Did you ever have one of those weeks where the best thing you can
say is, "at least my bruises are healing from the accident?" Yeah,
I thought so. Not that I'm complaining. At times it feels really good
to have a week like this because I get to drag out my Poo Suit (explanation
forthcoming).
For the record, it's not that my stars were bad. According to my horoscope
(I wonder if they are computer generated), I was in great shape for
a lovely week. And it's not that it wasn't a lovely week -- it started
fine with nice weather and all of that, it just went downhill quickly
from about Wednesday.
Regardless, I find that it helps to have a little bit of perspective
when it comes to these situations, which is why my friends have devised
a "poo" system for rating how upset/angry/perturbed you feel at any
given moment. Once mastered, it can be infinitely divided and applied
to others who, maybe like you, are wearing their Poo Boots.
It actually rather starts with Poo Boots, the slightly frumpy and
annoyed moments or days where you're a bit out of sorts but it's not
the end of you. As you pout, you've probably got on your Poo Boots.
After Poo Boots come Poo Pants, followed by a Poo Suit. Somewhere
in between is a Poo Ensemble, which is good to have for the weekends
when you have no real excuse to be all poo-ey. From a Poo Suit we
make a leap to Poo Village, Poo City and eventually, Poo Nation. You
don't want to be around people who are feeling Poo Nation, believe
me. Your boss is probably in Poo Nation right now.
Eventually you get up to Poo Planet, and I suppose, Poo Universe,
which must be equivalent to being stranded on a deserted island with
Liz Taylor, Michael Jackson and Hannibal Lecter all at once.
The next time you're driving in your Poo Car and somebody cuts you
off, remember it's not as bad as feeling Poo City. Stuck in traffic?
A mere Poo Pants, but only if you're late. Starving in Irian Jaya?
Poo Planet.
My Poo Suit was downgraded to an ensemble when I stealthily overheard
a conversation this week about Barbra Streisand's male impersonator
coming to do comedy routines at the American Club in Hong Kong. For
one night only. A chance to laugh at a Barbra wannabe, in drag? That's
enough to get anybody out of their Poo Suit and into something a bit
more comfortable.
Ticked off at Asia Buzz? Turned on? Talk back to TIME
Write to TIME at mail@web.timeasia.com
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