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about Asia Buzz
Asia Buzz: Legal Eagle
How many lawyers does it take to oust a President?
By ANTHONY SPAETH
December 11, 2000
Web posted at 1:10 p.m. Hong Kong time, 12:10 a.m. EDT
It's been a busy time for us constitutional lawyers in Hong Kong, and just in
time. After '97, when the Privy Council went into the privy, we had no idea how
to deal with the People's Consultative Committees and the like. My glamorous
spouse Pamela and I had to say goodbye to Asuncion, our loyal Philippine maid.
(Although we never expected Asuncion to evict us from the South Bay flat that
she, unbeknownst to us, owned.) Pamela picked up some light cleaning duties at
the Newton Hotel in Kowloon, which she actually enjoyed. Met some interesting
people, it seems. (I'd been wondering about Pamela for some time.) I found a
place on Lamma island, which, ominously, was small enough to be a bachelor pad.
But then the latter part of 2000 rolled around and, well, paydirt! I spent some
fascinating time in Washington recently, thanks to our U.S. partners, Stahl, Lye
and Reep. I was witness, in fact, to an interesting exchange between Al Gore and
one of his so-called transition aides. I tried not to eavesdrop, but here's what
my notes show.
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ASIAWEEK |
Intelligence
The story behind today's news from the editors of Asiaweek
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"Aide (ominously): Mr. Vice President, I think it's time we
turn to this pile of papers.
Gore: Yes Josh, I can't avoid the inevitable. I have to look
ahead to the future (Gore wiped away a tear). Give me that huge pile
of job offers.
Josh: Um, sir, those are the lawyers' bills.
(This was demmed awkward, and I had to look away and jiggle my leg in a
distracted manner.)
Josh: These are the job offers.
Gore: So few?
Josh: Some late offers are expected from overseas.
Gore (throwing a sheet to the ground in anger): I don't think
half the American people voted for me to be the new pitchman for Mr.
Coffee!
(I was there, in fact, to tell him that's exactly what half the American people
voted for.)
Josh: These are the offers from Hollywood.
Gore: I want to direct!
You get the idea: it wasn't a handsome scene. Last I saw, the
Vice President was tipped into Tipper's lap, wailing that for all
he cared the earth's environment could be buggered. That was probably
just an emotional moment. I put my bill on top of the pile.
In mid-flight back, I was summoned to Malacanang, the presidential palace in
Manila. I wasn't aware that the Philippines had a constitution, but it does,
consisting of 650 pages of photos of Ferdinand Marcos with fangs and horns drawn
on his face. This was going to be tricky, and I was demmed jet-lagged upon being
ushered into the office of President Joseph Estrada, which is playfully
decorated as a Las Vegas casino. Lots of bulky guys with gold jewelry hung
around offering extraordinarily stiff drinks and fast-burning cigars. They
called themselves senators. One wanted to sell me a telecommunication license,
which, feeling weary, I declined.
"Mr. President," I said, choosing my words carefully, "you seem to be in serious
constitutional jeopardy." He glared at me in a manner that can only be described
as unkind. It would have been twice as bad if he hadn't been covering one eye to
focus.
He commanded something in Filipino, which took me a while to understand,
especially with all those guys in barongs wrestling me down. But I can address a
client from a kneeler. I've done worse. I work on an hourly basis, and meetings
in Malacanang are lengthy. Ultimately, Estrada roared something and the doors to
the office flew open. A group of bedraggled-looking people tromped in.
"The Pilipino people," proclaimed the President, waving what appeared to be a
steel baseball bat, "are behind me!" The newcomers bowed their heads. Many of
them were grinning. They all had new shoes.
When I returned to Lamma, Pamela was gone. There was a note: she had run off
with a dotcom foreclosure agent. Demmed awkward, actually. Some of my best
friends on Lamma work for, or worked for, dotcoms.
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