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about Asia Buzz
Asia Buzz: Truth in Advertising
Savvy advertising slogans could help our region's embattled leaders
By ANTHONY SPAETH
January 8, 2001
Web posted at 5:00 p.m. Hong Kong time, 4:00 a.m. EDT
In the supermarket the other day, I came across an old lunchtime stalwart: a can
of Progresso White Clam Sauce for pasta. My hand readily reached for it, and
froze. There was a small graphic on the label reading, "Now More Flavor."
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Several troubling questions immediately came to mind. Had Progresso raised its
price? Or has flavor developed its own Moore's Law? "Now More Flavor" -- is it a
yummy new flavor, or something subtly disgusting? "Now More Flavor" -- how would
a company add flavor to spaghetti sauce? Perhaps, like me in the kitchen, they
just ladle on the salt, soy sauce and a good dollop of fish sauce, which I can
assure you does wonders for just about anything, including Libby's Corned Beef
Hash, Pringles and Slim Jims.
Perhaps it was a bald-faced lie and Progresso had sucked out all the flavor.
(Although then the label would have read "Your Healthy Clam Choice.") It was
plainly a marketing gimmick, not a bad one considering the alternatives. ("Now
More Water" or "Now Some Actual Clams.") And it sparked some ideas: couldn't
similar marketing strategies be used in various situations throughout our
region?
President Joseph Estrada of the Philippines: "Now More Ham." No, no, that
doesn't have any traction at a time when the President is being tried in the
Senate for removal from office, and in a country going through a violent patch.
"Chaos Is Us!" has a genuine ring. Filipinos are famously musical, and Estrada
could use a catchy new theme song to get him through his impeachement trial,
perhaps a rejiggered version of "The Lady is a Tramp."
"He gets too thirsty
For cocktails at eight.
Disapproves of the Senate
But never does hate.
He likes his mistresses,
He's got seven or eight.
That's why Estrada is the Champ!"
China's People's Liberation Army is one of the most significant institutions in
that vast country, and it has perennial ups and downs with its image. The PLA
needs a new, post-revolutionary slogan. Luckily, the controversial book "The
Tiananmen Papers" has produced one. In this collection of memos purportedly
written in Beijing during the tumultuous events of 1989, then-Vice President of
China Wang Zhen comes across as the leader most infuriated with the protesters
in Tiananmen Square. "These goddamn bastards!" he is quoted as saying. "Who do
they think they are... they're really asking for it." Wang was in favor of a
crackdown, and in the manner in which he recommended one, he came up with a
perfect new tagline for the army (and this is a direct quote from the book):
"What's the People's Liberation Army for, anyway?"
A protest by the spiritual group Falun Gong was quashed last week -- in
Singapore. Many have wondered about China's vicious 18-month crackdown on a
group of elderly people doing exercises in parks, but China has one logical
point in its favor: Falun Gong is based within its borders. Singapore seemed to
be cracking down for sheer fun. (In fact, it was defending its regulations
against unauthorized public gatherings, which don't allow a whole box of pencils
to be together at any given time.) But why not make some lemonade and give
Singapore a whole new way of drawing tourists and human rights workers.
The city-state's new slogan: "Singapore: We'll Crack Down on Anything!" This
could be followed up with a proscription on further vote recounts in Florida, a
campaign against sloppy handwriting among senior citizens, an anti-lisping
pogrom... The possibilities are truly endless. Malaysia might complain that
Singapore was simply imitating its anti-sodomy efforts. But hey -- you snooze,
you lose.
And if we're talking about urgently needed new marketing slogans, let's not
forget Indonesia, straining badly under pressure from restive provinces wanting
independence. The tourism people have it easy: "Indonesia: See It While You
Can!" But President Abdurrahman Wahid has the bigger problem. He is commonly
described in the press as a half-blind cleric. That had its initial charms, but
it's time for Wahid to revamp his image and get a new tagline. "I Don't See Any
Problem" doesn't have a confident enough ring. "At Least I'm Not Suharto" sounds
too defensive. A strong contender: "Hey, Do YOU Want This Job?"
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