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Asia Buzz: Instant Pundit
A new, new paradigm for Japan
By ADI IGNATIUS
November 29, 1999
Web posted at 11 a.m. Hong Kong time, 10 p.m. EDT
I just spent three days in Tokyo. Too quick to see much. But if I were a real essayist, writing a column called something weighty like "Asians on My Head," I'd have no compunction turning my 72 hours into deep, thoughtful writing -- or penmanship, anyway -- about the true Japanese soul.
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Being a Japan expert has always seemed appealing. As far as I can tell, you take a glance at this charming but conflicted place and then exaggerate some of the trends. As a result, the top "ologists" of our era have characterized Japan alternately as either "No. 1" or "Unable to Spell 'Cat' if You Spotted It C-A."
It's clearly time for another big rethink about Japan.
But first an aside. On the trip I met with John Neuffer, the political analyst who once famously described Japanese Prime Minister Keizo Obuchi as having all the pizzazz of a cold pizza. That line, which (according to a quick, apocryphal Internet search) has been cited in the press exactly 1.4 billion times, was no doubt the best thing that ever happened to Neuffer's career. (And Obuchi's as well. He's a shoo-in to play Mikhail Gorbachev in Pizza Hut's next commercial.) Neuffer was understandably discreet about his next big project. But sources speculate it may involve comparing a certain prominent someone to a type of milk product that's way past its due date.
Back to the search for a paradigm. To even the most casual visitor, a few things about Japan are obvious. First, the fabric of society is fraying as an overly bureaucratized and aging society confronts head-on the progressive but disruptive winds of globalization. Actually, that's not clear in the slightest. What is clear is that you cannot find a trash receptacle anywhere. I attended a wedding with orange peels, an old Herald Tribune and a can of Pepsi all crammed into my suit pocket. In the end I had to buy an extra suitcase to bring all of my garbage back to Hong Kong to get rid of it. I now suspect that the foul smell at Hong Kong's old airport was overly ripe trash dumped by well-intentioned arrivals from Japan.
Despite all of this, Japan remains the land of innovation. There was an announcement over the weekend that a Japanese consortium has developed the world's most sophisticated land-mine clearing machine. Great news, though I suspect there's an even more-efficient device: the platform shoes that are still the rage among Japanese teenage girls and that seem to be rising (even in this deflationary era) to ever more whimsical heights. Their value as mine-sweepers is self-evident. At current altitudes, a shoe wearer wouldn't even sense an explosion, let alone be harmed by it. Tokyo is shipping millions of pairs to Cambodia now. In one initial test, they are be fitted onto rebellious teenage water buffaloes.
Lastly, of course, there's the enduring phenomenon of Pokémon (a name that derives, as everyone knows by now, from the schoolyard phrase "Poker Money"). Just for kicks we visited Pokémon Center Tokyo. Just for fun we dropped about 2 gazillion yen on three or four of the latest cards. Just for laughs we're going to charge it all to the company, for research.
So, putting together these seemingly unrelated experiences, Asia Buzz offers up a new slogan for the new Japan: Land of the Rising Sun. A bit poetic, perhaps, but let's see if it catches on.
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