CHIEN-MIN CHUNG FOR TIME

Alone: Feng survived her suicide attempt but still feels a sense of hopelessness

Suicide As Last Resort
	The Way Out of a Living Hell
	By Hannah Beech Jinyun

Posted Monday, June 21, 2003; 21:00 HKT
As the poison dripped down Feng Xiaodan's throat, she imagined her toil and agony finally ebbing away. Her husband and three-year-old daughter, who weren't quick enough to stop the 32-year-old from swallowing pesticide last winter, rushed her to a hospital in Jinyun, a tiny town in eastern Zhejiang province. But even during her one-week convalescence, Feng couldn't stop thinking about the grim litany that ended with her gulping poison: a marriage to a man she never loved, an extramarital affair with the man she did love, and the young daughter who was being raised by one man but had been fathered by another. "Even now, the hopelessness is still there," says Feng, whose husband took to beating her for her transgression. "I feel it every day."

Feng may have survived, but suicide is reaching epidemic proportions for her countrywomen. China is the only country in the world where the suicide rate for females is higher than for males. In 2000, the most recent year for which statistics are available, 287,000 women killed themselves. So common is suicide that it now ranks as the No. 1 cause of death for women aged 18 to 34, according to a study carried out by researchers at the Beijing Huilongguan hospital. The poor, uneducated masses of China's interior are particularly vulnerable: one-third of young rural women who die do so by their own hand.

The reasons for China's burgeoning female suicide rate are manifold. For one, there's easy access to particularly potent pesticides, which quickly changes a suicidal whim into a reality—one study found that nearly two-thirds of suicides resulted from swallowing poison. For another, Chinese women feel they have no outlets for talking about their problems. A strict Confucian ethic discourages wives from divorcing or even hinting at the domestic violence that plagues many Chinese homes. Says He Kexun, the mother of a 27-year-old millet farmer who took her life last November after a decade of bone-breaking abuse by her husband: "Maybe in other countries you can tell someone about your troubles. But in China you have to solve your problems by yourself." Chinese women are also more likely to be employed outside the home than other women in the developing world, and many can't cope with juggling grueling hours of labor with family needs.

Finally, there's the collision course in Chinese society between centuries-old conservative values and a looser, reform-minded present. Television and magazines bombard women with Western notions of love matches, but many, especially in rural areas, still live in a world where marriage is tied more to family obligation than romance—and that tension leaves many women confused. "People my age were taught to be traditional, but society today is so open," says Feng. "We are caught in the middle, and that pressure is too much." Too much for many women in China to bear.

	Much Pain, No Gain [Oct. 03, 2002] Xinran Xue's The Good Women of China tells the story of the nation's second sex In Rural China, It's a Family Affair [May 27, 2002] A dearth of brides has some village bachelors looking for love close to home China's Baby Bust [Jul. 29, 2002] A dwindling birthrate and an aging populace force China to rethink its family-planning policy Just Doing It [Mar. 12, 2001] Sex is no longer a rude word in Asia, as its citizens shed their prudish pasts and embrace a new era of openness. Our up-close reports on the region's sexual awakening More Related Items | Search all issues of TIME Magazine