ROSS BIRD FOR TIME

Single Parenting: John Croxwell and daughter Breanna are surrounded by pictures of Donna, a Bali victim

The Caregiver
	"I'm one of the very, very lucky ones"
	By Lisa Clausen | Melbourne

Posted Monday, October 6, 2003; 21:00 HKT

		A Time for Healing For many, life will never be the same after the tragedy of Oct. 12. One year on, TIME meets five people who were dramatically affected by the Bali bombings—from a grieving brother to a woman who found love in the least likely of circumstances: The Brother Showing the heart of a fighter The Caregiver "I'm one of the very, very lucky ones" The Cop His work is just beginning The Survivor The man who cheated death The Samaritan Out of evil, a measure of good

Sitting on a small plastic chair in her Melbourne living room, five-year-old Breanna Croxford has only to look up if she wants to see her mother. Donna Croxford was killed in Bali, but the walls are crowded with pictures of her—as a bright-eyed 18-year-old, as a ballet dancer and at her wedding to husband John in 1996, smiling in a sunny park. The pictures bring comfort to John, too; he can sit on the sofa after a long day at work and caring for Breanna and talk to his wife. When his daughter asks for her, he does his best to explain: "I tell her Mummy is up with the stars in heaven, and she's not coming home." Sometimes the little girl just stares into the sky.

Donna Croxford died along with three girlfriends in the Sari Club only six hours after their plane landed in Bali. A year later, her clothes still hang in the wardrobe as they did when she left. Her ashes are still in their bedroom because John hasn't figured out what to do with them—Donna was the family's planner and organizer. From the moment they met a decade ago at the Melbourne hospital where John was a receptionist and Donna a payroll clerk, he was captivated. "She had this aura about her," he says. "You would have to have known her to understand how much of a beautiful person she was and how easy it was to fall in love with her."

He never imagined how hard it would be to lose her. Dazed by grief, John also had to learn in the months after the bombing how to be Breanna's chief caregiver. Born after the couple underwent in vitro-fertilization treatment, Breanna has epilepsy and delayed development, and Donna worked only part-time so she could care for her. "I used to cook the occasional meal and help around the house," says John, "but when Donna died, I realized I'd been doing nothing." In the first weeks after Bali, John doubted he could cope.

But he has managed to—with the help of Donna's 83-year-old grandmother, with whom they live, and Donna's aunt, who looks after Breanna two days a week. John can't praise enough the advice he gets from staff at the crèche and kindergarten Breanna attends the rest of the week or the support of organizations like the Red Cross, which has offered financial help and counseling. Colleagues collected donations for Breanna, and friends and well wishers have filled her room with toys. "I'm one of the very, very lucky ones," says John. "A lot of people who lost someone in Bali only have memories. At least I have a walking, talking memory of Donna." Like her mother, Breanna loves music and dancing, reminding John of the life the couple shared: "Donna and I were very much in love, and Breanna is a happy child because of that."

John has never traveled abroad, but he will visit Bali for the anniversary of his wife's death. He's hoping things will be easier after that. "Mainly because then the first of everything—the first Christmas without her, the first of Breanna's birthdays without her, the first time we have spent our birthdays apart—that will all be over." He still sees his wife at night when he closes his eyes, but life is slowly moving on.

In their last conversation on the phone from Bali, Donna told John she loved him "and to take care of myself." Since then, the 48-year-old has lost 17 kilograms, cut back on alcohol and cigarettes and has just started seeing a woman who "has helped me through hard times. She doesn't mind talking about Donna." Meanwhile, Breanna has blossomed. She's more confident around other children, and she's learned how to skip and hop when she and her father walk together. "I like to think that we're getting a bit of help from up there," says John. Above him, a picture of Donna smiles down at the family that has survived her.

	A New Wave Of Terror? [August 22, 2003] A deadly Jakarta bombing raises questions about the effectiveness of Indonesia's antiterror measures Poisonous Minds [June 25, 2003] As Asian governments crack down, terrorists may be adopting frightening new tactics Al-Qaeda's Asian Web of Terror [December 4, 2002] By using regional affiliates, the terrorist organization returns to an old tactic Where Will They Strike Next? [November 25, 2002] Police have netted the mastermind of the deadly Bali bombings. But more terrorists are out there—and they're making plans More Related Items | Search all issues of TIME Magazine