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| War Fears |
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How to talk to your kids
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Posted Sunday, February 16, 2002; 10:31 a.m. EST
Kids are absorbing anxiety from the news, snippets of adult conversation and those deepening worry lines on Mom's and Dad's brows. Three tips from TIME FOR KIDS managing editor Claudia Wallis on how to calm their fears:
1. Parents should keep their own worst fears out of the conversation. Answer their questions briefly, reassuringly and without excess detail. The amount of elaboration depends on the child's age and level of curiosity. If a 5-year-old asks, "Why are you buying that duct tape?" it may be enough to answer, "It's a handy thing to have around." A teenager who asks hard questions about biological weapons is looking for some facts and maybe a chance to express his fears.
2. More important than what you say is what you hear. "Don't push things on kids," says Chris Kaufman, lead psychologist for the Portland, Maine, school system. "Spend much more time listening and asking probing questions about what they know. Look for misinformation." Kaufman says it was upon close questioning that a frightened boy revealed his mistaken belief that there was a terrorist cell in every U.S. town. Boys, he says, are particularly prone to obsessive fantasies about war and weaponry, so parents should limit their exposure to the nuts and bolts of war preparations.
3. For young kids, parents need to convey a sense of safety at home. Tell them that if we fight a war in Iraq, it's far away and that our country has taken all sorts of measures to keep families protected. Even if you're holding yourself together with duct tape, your kids need to feel their world is intact.
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