The Lewinsky Interview
Special: President On Trial
Excerpts from Barbara Walters interview With Monica Lewinsky
on ABC, March 3, 1999
BARBARA WALTERS: One juror, at the grand jury, asked you why you
kept having affairs with married men. Why did you? Why do you?
MONICA LEWINSKY: I have to say that was the most difficult
question to answer in my entire experience with the grand jury. It was
the most pointed question.... I know I will never have an affair with a
married man again. ...But, clearly to me, what I've come to see is that
that happened because I didn't have enough feelings of self-worth. So
that I didn't feel that ... I was worthy of being number one to a man.
BW: You showed the president your thong underwear. Where did you
get the nerve? I mean -- who does that?
ML: ...If you take my word for it, it was a small, subtle,
flirtatious gesture. And that's me.
BW: Was it saying "I'm available?"
ML: I think it was saying, "I'm interested, too. I'll play."
BW: Did you ever say to yourself, "I'm doing something wrong. This
is bad for the president. This is bad for the country." Did you ever
think about that?
ML: Now with everything that's happened, ... I feel bad that I
didn't. But, I didn't at that time. I was enamored with him. And I was
excited. And I was enjoying it.
ML: I think that one of the things that people have not been able
to look at in this past year is that they looked at this and said 'this
is about a man and a woman, and not the president and an intern.' He was
very tender with me. He was very affectionate.
BW: Did your mother ever try to break off this relationship?
ML: Yes! Yes she did. But anyone who knows me knows that I'm
stubborn, and from the time I was 2 years old, one of my first phrases
was, with my hands on my hips, "You're not the boss of me!" And I've been
that way ever since.
(Lewinsky is asked about her blue dress, which became a key
piece of evidence in the investigation.)
BW: Ken Starr's people didn't know you had this dress. Why did you
turn it over to them?
ML: Because I had to. Getting and keeping my immunity became very
important to me. For I needed to take care of myself and my family. No
one else was worried about me.
BW: Did you feel you had to then tell the whole truth about
absolutely everything, including this dress?
ML: You bet. And I did. ...Every man I have met since this thing
has happened eventually says to me, "So, what's the real story with the
dress?" And it's humiliating. I wish I hadn't had it.
(The discussion turns to May 24, 1997, when Clinton ended the
relationship.)
BW: You said that when you left Bill Clinton's office that day,
you sobbed in the arms of (presidential secretary) Betty Currie. And
there were times when she escorted you into the president's office and
left and so forth. Do you think that Betty Currie was an enabler?
ML: I certainly know that this relationship could not have
continued the way it did, when I was at the Pentagon and the president
was obviously at the White House, without Betty.
BW: In retrospect, do you think that Betty Currie knew about your
relationship with the president?
ML: She strikes me as the type of woman that probably wouldn't
even have allowed herself to think that.
(The questions focus on talking points that Lewinsky provided
to Linda Tripp.)
BW: Now Linda Tripp says that she believes that the notion that
you wrote those on your own is about as likely as you co-authoring the
Gettysburg Address with Lincoln. ...So her question is, and the question
of other people is, how are you able to use those legal terms? I mean,
you're not that informed. You're not that smart. Did anyone help you with
these talking points?
ML: No. I had been working on my own affidavit with my attorney at
the time. I've been told by the prosecutors and by my own attorneys I
should go to law school. I guess I have a knack for it. I sat down at the
computer and typed it out.
BW: You learned (on Jan. 16, 1998) that Linda Tripp had taped your
conversations. ...How did you feel when you learned for the first time
that she'd taped you?
ML: Gutted and violated and betrayed. And scared.
BW: I understand that you're restricted in (discussing) the events
of those days and what happened when you were in the room with Ken
Starr's people and the FBI agents. But can you tell us how you were
feeling...
ML: Oh, I was, I was petrified. ... I have never been so afraid in
my entire life. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill everybody in the room.
... I was just very scared.
(How Lewinsky felt after she dealt with federal
prosecutors.)
ML: I felt very responsible.
BW: Responsible for what?
ML: For everything that was going to happen, and that had
happened. And, I didn't want him to get into trouble.
BW: You were worried about Bill Clinton? More than about yourself?
More than about your mother?
ML: No. I was worried about my mom more than I was worried about
the president. And then I was worried about the president, and then I was
worried about myself.
BW: If you had to do it all over again, would have had the
relationship with Bill Clinton?
ML: There are some days that I regret that the relationship ever
started and there are some days that I just regret that I ever confided
in Linda Tripp.
BW: Monica, are you still in love with Bill Clinton?
ML: No. ...Sometimes I have warm feelings, sometimes I'm proud of
him still, and sometimes I hate his guts. And, um, he makes me sick.
BW: What will you tell your children, when you have them?
ML: Mommy made a big mistake.
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