MURAD SEZER / ap

parallel lines >>>> Ecuador's Agustin Delgado, left, dances in celebration with teammate Edison Mendez after scoring during the Poland v Ecuador match at Gelsenkirchen

World Cup Blog | Bruce Crumley Deutschland 2006 Turns Up The Heat subscribe to TIME Printable Version email this story Bruce Crumley: Read all his blog entries

Posted Friday, Jun 9, 2006
Ahhh. Remember the Euro in 2004? Remember Greece winning the whole shebang by digging in its defensive hooves, hee-hawing till attacking opponents ran themselves ragged, then won — usually on anemic headers popping out of confused dog-piles stacked up in front of goal mouths? The crowning moment of European self-defacing glorification of footballing constipation cum rigor mortis? Go back even further.Tired of the Italian penchant

Previous Entries July 7, 2006 Assessing The Legacy Of Domenec   July 6, 2006 The Runners-Up Final Is Really No Consolation   June 28, 2006 For Fans, Now Comes The Hard Bit   June 27, 2006 All About The Swiss Misses   June 26, 2006 Reading Between The Lines Of The Freebie Press   June 26, 2006 Little (Irritating) Things That Make The World Cup Go Round   June 25, 2006 The Cup's Rough Edges   June 22, 2006 Chilled Out In Dortmund   June 19, 2006 Living It Up In Leipzig   June 18, 2006 Why No Joie de Vivre?   June 16, 2006 Taking Advantage of Poor Refereeing   June 15, 2006 Feeling Let Down By The Giants Of Football   June 14, 2006 Reasons To Be Cheerful for Germany's Win   June 10, 2006 How To Win The Good Conduct Medal   June 9, 2006 Deutschland 2006 Turns Up The Heat

for avoiding, at all costs, goals that whip sports writers (talk about oxymorons that could kill!) when catenaccio defenses un-naccio? Want to see a fan of French pro football break the national law against smiling broadly in approval as teams actually score. Sick of Germany (I'd stop right there, but that'd be bad form so early on) playing, grinding, plodding ahead without the slightest hint of serendipitious offensive elation?

Well, Deutschland 2006 is here to tell you all that defensive drudgery may be no more. Consider this: eight goals scored in two matches, for an average of (quit scratching your head) four goals per game — or one trembling net every 22.5 minutes. At that pace, Kaiser Becklenbauer's soccer party is set to rack up 464 goals over the 58 games between now and the final. Not bad. Mana from heaven, even. Beaucoup slick. And as any defensive player will tell you: all the ball's fault.

But will that pace last well past match two and into the leg-swollen, fatigue-plagued stages of, say, match three, four, and five? Probably not. With England entering play tomorrow, Paraguay will have to score at least four goals to keep the fixture's average up to Friday night levels. Fortunately, Argentina and the Ivory Coast follow, meaning even if they day's other matches bog down in scorelessness, we're still assured of at least a dozen scores when Didier Drogba gets the banking shot just right off the carpeted forehead of Juan "Uuugh!" Sorin.

Meanwhile, once Argentine stricker Lionel Messi gets ancient Hernard Crespo under to oxgen tent, he'll probably have enough energy to pound a score of his own right up the Elephants', uh, cage. In fact, scoring may get so nutzy early on that fans around the world may not only come to learn the name of French coach Raymond Domenech — but even praise his decision for replacing injured Liverpool striker Djibril Cisse with Lyon cipher Sidney Govou. By the time France enters the ball against Switzerland on the 13th, scoring-weary fans will fall drop-dead in love with Govou — a guy who never saw a barn door he couldn't miss.

But until then, let's not bury World Cup 2006's scoring Ceasars, but rather praise them. The first evening of point-racking was fun to watch — especially the two scored on offsides so flagrant one wondered if Ray Charles wasn't still alive after all. Let's hope the offensive pyrotechnics continue. A bit of change is always nice.

BACK TO TOP

Printable Version

email this story

	From the TIME archive
	Officially Wrong Referee errors have marred an otherwise high-quality series   Sphere Of Influence What part does the new ball have to play?   Korea: Heavy Going The folks at home stay up late to support their team   The U.S. Bows Out With Honor Ghana delivers the knockout blow to Team USA's World Cup hopes   The Truth About Swiss Neutrality [June 14, 2006] The Crimson Tide hits Stuttgart to prove they are les Bleus worst nightmare   Party People [June 26, 2006] Germany stops worrying and lears to love itself   Jumping The Gun [June 16, 2006] No time for Italy to bring in a football amnesty   France: So Far, So Good [June 24, 2006] Are les Bleus united enough to go any further?   Technophobia [June 26, 2006] Why won't FIFA take the automatic route?   Japan's Soccer Samurais Are Left Feeling Blue [June 12, 2006] Asian champions in the doghouse after loss to Aussies   The World Cup Web Can't get to Germany? Experience the tournament online   Off To A Good Start [June 19, 2006] The first few days of the Cup have had it all   Mirror Images [June 19, 2006] Germany's coach and the U.S.'s compared   The Global Game [June 12, 2006] What football's success tells us about the modern world   Fair Play [June 12, 2006] Even Burma's generals realize the simple joy of kicks   New Pitch [June 12, 2006] Germany aims to demonstrate friendliness, creativity — and humor   Iran And Football [June 12, 2006] Football, politics and social change mixed in an uncertain cocktail   The Cup That Cheers [June 12, 2006] Moments that make the World Cup great   Global Game [May 22, 2006] Nike and Adidas are using the planet's grandest gathering to kick sale Search all issues of TIME Magazine Indicates premium content