Murad Sezer / AP

MISSING INACTION >>>> Switzerland's Ludovic Magnin, left, is consoled by teammate Patrick Mueller after the penalty shootout

World Cup Blog | Bruce Crumley All About The Swiss Misses subscribe to TIME Printable Version email this story Bruce Crumley: Read all his blog entries

Posted Tuesday, June 27, 2006; 13.07BST
Imagine the rugby player who couldn't dive a few feet over the line and touch the ball down in the goal zone for a try when asked to do so. Or the pro baseball player who suddenly can't make contact off a batting machine. The basketballer who can't nail a free throw, or hockey forward who starts sending each puck he touches

Previous Entries July 7, 2006 Assessing The Legacy Of Domenec   July 6, 2006 The Runners-Up Final Is Really No Consolation   June 28, 2006 For Fans, Now Comes The Hard Bit   June 27, 2006 All About The Swiss Misses   June 26, 2006 Reading Between The Lines Of The Freebie Press   June 26, 2006 Little (Irritating) Things That Make The World Cup Go Round   June 25, 2006 The Cup's Rough Edges   June 22, 2006 Chilled Out In Dortmund   June 19, 2006 Living It Up In Leipzig   June 18, 2006 Why No Joie de Vivre?   June 16, 2006 Taking Advantage of Poor Refereeing   June 15, 2006 Feeling Let Down By The Giants Of Football   June 14, 2006 Reasons To Be Cheerful for Germany's Win   June 10, 2006 How To Win The Good Conduct Medal   June 9, 2006 Deutschland 2006 Turns Up The Heat

over the glass. Or the driver surprised to find he or she can no longer steer; the singer who can't sing a right note; the chef incapable of scrambling an egg; the pilot who can't hit the runway; the carpenter who hammers everything but the intended nail; the bride unable to say "I do"; the bather who can't get clean; the swimmer who forgets how to dive in; the trader who suddenly can't deal; the journalist unable to post a single blog entry that isn't sprinkled with typos, dropped words, and the malodorous sputum of what seeks to pass as a sense of humor...

In their utter inability to score a single penalty during their World Cup Round of 16 shoot-out against the Ukraine on Monday, such was exactly the kind of stunning incompetence Swiss players demonstrated. Never mind that shoot-outs are the lamest, most illegitimate manner of resolving tied scores (make them play till someone does, or until all 11 teams of one side drop from fatigue, leaving the field open to their better-conditioned rivals.

That said, the Swiss doubtless would have found a way to fire every shot off the prostrate goal keeper in such a scenario...); that none of the three Switzerland shooters could master this most basic of footballing exercises at this level of play boggles the mind still. One has to wonder if they managed to find their way out of the stadium, or even manage their way out of their sweat-logged uniforms. Unreal.

I just hope they don't start blogging and make me look even worse by comparison.

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