Sunday, Dec. 08, 2002

Let's Give Schumacher A Brake

After Ferrari's Michael Schumacher won this year's world championship with six races to go, Formula One officials wondered how to make things harder in 2003 for the five-times champ. Bernie Ecclestone, the sport's impresario, suggested adding extra weight to his car for every victory won; International Automobile Federation president Max Mosley proposed that drivers swap cars, forcing Schumacher to take a turn in a Minardi.

Since those ideas were rejected, we've come up with five ways to stop Schumi:

  • Give the rest of the field a two-lap head start

  • Make him change his own tires at pit stops

  • Make him go downtown for fuel

  • Let the other drivers use Ben-Hur-style spikes to puncture his tires

  • Make him drive a scooter