Off to Camp We Go!

Bil

l Abler soaks up the moments with his grandchildren — literally. He loves to fish off the banks of quiet Forest Lake with his two oldest grandkids, both of whom live within 30 miles of his home in Circle Pines, Minn. But Abler admits that with so many grandchildren — six in all — sometimes the littlest in the pack get short shrift, especially Sadie, 7. "When I go visit her and her brother, she says hi and then runs off to play," Abler, 59, says. "I've always wanted to be closer, but I really wasn't sure how since I never raised a daughter."

The answer came to him while surfing the Web. That's when he stumbled on the site for Grandkids and Me camp, in Amery, Wis. The three-year-old program caters to grandparents who want to spend a weekend away with a grandchild. Twenty-five to 30 campers bunk in dorm rooms overlooking Lake Icaghowan, and as many as six counselors take care of the group, planning meals and a variety of nature and craft activities. The price of this all-inclusive weekend: $250 a grandparent, $200 a child.

Abler and Sadie took their weekend in the fall of 2002. They hiked, canoed, built a birdhouse and talked — a lot. Sadie also had plenty of time to play with other kids, while her granddad relaxed in the company of his peers. Here's the best part: when they returned home, Sadie asked if they could do something together again next year. "Now when I go visit she hugs me, and then often we'll sit and talk or read a book together," Abler says. "We're building a wonderful bond."

That's no easy feat. For many grandparents, the gulf between generations often seems too daunting to cross, and cultivating a meaningful relationship with a grandchild can seem nearly impossible. The problem is exacerbated when families are far-flung and grandparents come around only for infrequent visits.

To help assuage the difficulty, Dr. Arthur Kornhaber, a family psychiatrist, opened the "granddaddy" of intergenerational camps, Grandparents' and Grandchildren's Camp, in 1986, held at Great Camp Sagamore at Raquette Lake, N.Y. Kornhaber had studied the grandparent role since 1970, and he discovered certain concerns of the older generation — namely, how can grandparents play an important role in their grandchild's life when they live far away?

The answer: give them time together, preferably in an idyllic setting, and limit outside interference — we're talking parents, if you haven't guessed. "Kids feel a huge sense of security when they know someone else — besides a parent — is there for them," Kornhaber says. And there's an added benefit: they also tend to behave better when Mom and Dad aren't around.

Today there are a variety of intergenerational programs. Some of the newer Elderhostel programs offer a chance for adventure as well as bonding time. Wearing their skull-and-crossbones T shirts as they sailed, Al Hermann, 78, and his grandson Cameron Portratz, 13, spent a week in June aboard the schooner Zodiac. The hearty crew of 11 grandparents and 11 kids learned about the inner workings of the boat while sailing in the azure waters off the San Juan Islands in Washington. "Cameron and I polished brass, swabbed the decks, worked in the galley and helped raise sails," says Hermann, who has been taking Cameron on intergenerational programs for the past five years. "It was a wonderful way to spend time together."

Cameron agrees. When he returned home, he showed his mother a photo of himself and Hermann on deck and said without a moment's hesitation, "Here's a picture of me and my friend." To a devoted granddad like Hermann, those were sweet words indeed.

A weekend away with Grandma or Grandpa is also a natural way to dispel stereotypes about aging. "Many kids today aren't around older people on a regular basis," says Cady Goldfield, a spokeswoman for Elderhostel, which offers almost 200 intergenerational summer programs. "To see Grandpa rappelling down a water tower or Grandma hiking up a mountain — better yet, to do it with them — is to see how vital and energetic the current population of grandparents is. It breaks all the rules for the traditional grandparent-grandchild interaction."

Some of the programs also provide a support-group function. At Grandparents' and Grandchildren's Camp in New York and at Grandkids and Me camp in Wisconsin, for example, counselors facilitate daily gab sessions in which grandparents discuss an array of issues while the kids pursue other activities. "I've heard so many grandparents say how much they learned from others about discipline and ways to be in touch," says Don Schmitz, founder of Grandkids and Me and a grandfather of four. The topics range from coping with aging to finding ways to get the most out of retirement.

The camp experience is designed mostly to let grandparents teach their youngster a thing or two about life and the outdoors. But it doesn't always work out that way exactly. Sometimes the older members learn new tricks too. "Our grandson Grant [Pollock], now 13, knew how to pitch a tent, and we didn't," says Richard Hansen, 75, who with wife Shirley attended the Hulbert Outdoor Center's Elderhostel canoeing program last year. "He was also the captain of the canoe. He taught us how to do things, and we weren't always the fastest learners. But the experience was wonderful for all of us."

And that's the point — wonderful experiences and wonderful memories. "Camp is a great place to enhance the very important role we have in our grandkids' lives," says Abler. "We have the opportunity to have fun with them, to listen when they need a place to empty their feelings and to impart our wisdom. We can be totally relaxed in a way that a parent cannot be." And — if it isn't stating the obvious — you can also hand them back to Mom and Dad when camp is over.