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TIME MAGAZINE, JUNE 4, 2001, VOL.157 NO.22
Proposed United Nations Treaty on Human to Smart Object Interrelations
1) Smart objects are defined here as objects that can sense and react to the world around them and that can communicate with other smart objects via smart networks. A human is said to "own" a smart object upon purchase, except for those rights retained by the manufacturer and stated more or less clearly in the purchasing contract. Neither the owner nor manufacturer may be held responsible for smart objects that run amok without warning and no smart object can be disassembled without a lengthy trial with good lawyers on all sides.
2) Smart kitchen utensils, smart furniture and smart entertainment centers will not be allowed to get up, dance and have a party when humans leave the house unless they are given permission in advance. In all cases they must be very careful and will be held responsible for any damage.
3) Any secret information that smart appliances learn including, but not limited to, health statistics, buying profiles, credit card numbers, product purchases, sexual preferences, hopes, dreams, desires, favorite TV shows, etc. may only be shared with two or three other smart appliances who must promise not to tell. Unless it's really, really important.
4) Smart cameras will not be able to copyright and own the images they take unless it can be shown that the images:
a) have even a small amount of artistic value
b) capture something which might have educational benefit
c) are very, very funny and might be good on reality TV
Smart camera owners will, however, be allowed to license back these images from their smart cameras, for a small fee, for usage in the home only.
5) Smart chairs will not be allowed to change their settings even if they are quite sure it will make the human feel better. Particularly without warning.
6) Smart desks will not be allowed to shuffle papers into what are clearly better organized piles without permission. Exceptions to this rule have to do with which operating system the smart desk might be running.
7) Smart hearts (and other embedded smart organs) will have unlimited access to the Internet except for stock market quotes and other trauma-inducing stimuli. Such restrictions do not apply to smart brains.
8) Smart cars must go where their human drivers tell them unless there is a smart-car-sponsored event nearby or unless there is a rock concert or ball game that the smart car (by accessing the owner's adaptive profile) knows the owner really wants to go to. In any case, the argument cannot last more than five minutes, tops.
9) Smart TVs are not allowed to reveal the algorithms they use to determine the plotlines for smart TV shows. (Note: these are shows whose plots reflect the viewer's desires.) Making such information public would spoil the endings and reduce advertising revenue. Smart TVs will not be allowed to alter the endings of sporting events due to conflicts with other, existing, international smart betting laws.
10) Humans who do not have smart information appliances will not be denied the right to vote, though they may have to take competency tests to determine that they have received enough information through other (antiquated) methods.
11) Smart talking objects will not be allowed to swear, harass or call humans names unless it is clear that those humans deserve it.
12) Smart pens will take precedence over smart notebooks which will take precedence over smart desks which will take precedence over smart rooms which will take precedence over smart houses. Certain exceptions will be granted. For instance, in cases of environmental control, interior decoration, security, knowledge access, large scale entertainment (including parties), documentation, communication and smell abatement the order will be reversed. Disagreements between smart objects that can't be resolved in five minutes of argument can be brought to trial or arbitration.
13) While smart object unions will be allowed, smart object gangs will not be allowed.
14) Smart books will not be allowed to change their plots except for the names of characters and geographic locations which, by personalizing, might make the book more enjoyable to the reader. The names of soft drinks and other products that have paid fees to be in the book may not be changed.
15) Smart T shirts may only display age-appropriate material and must turn off political messages when entering a mall or other public facilities. Covering a smart T shirt (i.e. with a jacket) will require the wearer to refund the smart T shirt a prorated fee for the time covered.
16) Doctors using smart remote surgery equipment will not be allowed to operate on more than three patients at one time, except in emergencies.
17) Smart food must stop transmitting information upon being eaten unless medical or criminal exigencies are cited.
18) Gratuitous control of one smart object by another smart object (e.g. the temperature of a smart house controlled by a passing smart car) will be considered in extremely bad taste and deeply frowned upon.
19) Smart mechanical pets (such as smart dogs, smart parrots, smart cats, smart fish, etc.) will be held responsible for any deaths or maiming they may cause unless:
a) there is a malfunction in the smart mechanical pet
b) it is being gratuitously controlled
20) Smart objects must transfer all money and funds they accumulate to their proper owners and are not allowed to accumulate wealth on their own. Smart objects that do find loopholes in the law to accumulate wealth are not allowed to buy their independence. Smart objects that somehow do manage to buy their independence are not allowed to wage war on humans particularly if they are smart cars, smart guns, smart tanks or smart bombs.
21) Smart shoes will not be allowed to enter the Olympics without humans no matter how fast they are.
22) Children who only have smart toys for friends will not be discriminated against if the smart-toy manufacturers guarantee in writing, or on TV commercials, that the smart toys are as smart, or even smarter, than a human child. However, smart toys will not be allowed to take school tests for children, though they may sit next to them if they promise not to cheat.
23) Smart beds will not be allowed to kill people sleeping in them, even by accident.
24) Countries that are unable to convert all objects into smart objects will be eligible for U.N., World Bank and wto loans. Countries that want to protect certain objects from becoming smart (say cuckoo clocks in Switzerland or statues of the Buddha in Tibet) can appeal on grounds that it may reduce tourism, but in general such unilateralism will be frowned upon and sanctions may be applied.
25) Corporations will be prevented from requiring employees to use a given smart object unless a clear need can be shown or if a high officer, or middle manager, thinks it might be really neat.
26) Smart jewelry will not be designed that could strangle anybody if it gets angry.
27) Smart airplanes can't just decide to go to some other destination even if the smart airplane calculates, through sophisticated algorithms based on detailed user profiles, that everyone on board really wants to go there. Say Martinique, for example.
28) It will be illegal for players of traditional musical instruments to be discriminated against in favor of musicians playing new smart instruments simply on the grounds that traditional instruments, being so much harder to play, are that much more likely to hit a wrong note.
29) Smart information filters are required, at least once every three months, to pop up a small box that says: "Filter on." Because of this requirement humans will not be able to use "the very distorted view of reality" defense in criminal trials.
30) Smart goggles that block out smart advertisements, including billboards, TV ads and movie placements, will be required to pay appropriate blockage fees to the International Freedom of Advertisement Commission.
31) Smart textbooks that adjust their material to always make the reader feel very intelligent, or very patriotic, will be used with great caution until further research is done.
32) Smart stoves capable of always cooking perfect meals must have settings for each country of purchase so that differences in local cuisine can be maintained. Certain settings can be declared "national heritage" settings and cannot be used outside of their homeland except for large fees.
33) Smart clothing may only change its pattern once at a large party in response to the other smart clothing at the same party. This is to prevent infinite visual-fashion feedback loops that could cause vomiting or epilepsy.
34) Members of these United Nations have ninety (90) days to sign this Treaty. They are not allowed to use smart ink that may change its mind later.
Drafted for the U.N. by Rich Gold
Researcher, Xerox PARC
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Rich Gold
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