VERBATIM
"In terms of constitutional history, Brunei is somewhere between Henry VII and Henry VIII."
AL TRONER, energy consultant, commenting on the tiny, oil-rich Asian sultanate as it prepares to celebrate its all-powerful ruler's birthday
"We are going to do this as tastefully as possible."
OSCAR WELLS, website designer, who says that he will air a live broadcast online of two 18-year-olds losing their virginity
"He's dead!"
ROBERTO CARLOS, Brazilian midfielder, after watching his roommate Ronaldo suffer convulsive fits only hours before the World Cup final
"Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more--he just holds you up to the light."
RED BUTTONS, comedian, congratulating his friend Milton Berle at the entertainer's birthday bash

WINNERS

ANDRES PASTRANA
Colombian Prez-elect snuck into jungle to meet with rebels. Now, talks may end 34-year civil war

I.M.F.
Wins cash from U.S. Congress, reforms from Russian Duma. But still unloved in Asia

JAPANESE VOTERS
Give complacent, incompetent pols a swift kick in the rear by booting the LDP at the polls

& LOSERS

JEAN-MARIE LE PEN
Now that a multiethnic team has won France the World Cup, his immigrant-bashing is out of style

ALEXANDER LUKASHENKO
Several nations deny visas to Belarus boss after he forced their envoys to quit their residences

JAKARTA
The economy's not the only thing sagging. City sinks 48 cm as residents dig too many wells