VERBATIM
"The schools will be closed because we do not have the children. They are all dead."
DICKSON DALLE, disaster coordinator for West Sepik province, after a devastating tsunami crashed into his region of Papua New Guinea
"Don't mind all the cameras. I'm sure they're not here to see you guys."
MICHAEL JORDAN, NBA star, to kids attending his basketball camp, after photographers and fans had followed him into the gym
"Who put Viagra in the thermometer?"
A HOUSTON BILLBOARD, reflecting on the heat wave that has scorched Texas and much of the U.S. for the past three weeks
"She doesn't want a subpoena."
JUDY SMITH, spokeswoman for the Lewinsky family, on what gifts Monica might want for her 25th birthday, which she celebrated last week

WINNERS

JIANG ZEMIN
Chinese leader shows who's boss when he tells the army that doing business is none of its business

SMOKERS
U.S. judge rules secondhand smoke is no big deal. Then again, there's still lung cancer

ALIENS
From science fiction to science: NASA conference starts to plan for finding extraterrestrial life

& LOSERS

AL GORE
Life of a Vice President: Clinton goes to China, walks on Great Wall. Gore goes to Ukraine, tours Chernobyl

TOUR DE FRANCE
The country's great race is marred by bikers on drugs. We miss the World Cup

BRITISH TABLOIDS
Prince William says he wants to study for the next 10 years. Gossip-rag sales will surely suffer

NUMBERS

$376.23: The per capita amount spent annually by Americans on fast food. By contrast, each Italian spends only $8.61.

2 million: The global estimate of non-melanoma skin cancers caused in a year by exposure to ultraviolet radiation. In the same period 200,000 malignant melanomas occur.

1 hour 12 minutes: The amount of time each Briton spends weekly waiting in queues at shops and banks.

16,000 sq km: The area of the "dead zone" of oxygen-starved ocean that spreads along the coast of Louisiana each summer.

$13.98: The per capita sum spent annually by Danes on digestive remedies.

13,000 sq km: The area of spruce forest in Alaska destroyed by the spruce bark beetle. In the past five years budworm caterpillars have killed 40,000 hectares of sitka spruce forest.

30,000 sq km: The area of forest in Borneo destroyed by the fires that lasted from late January until May.

13,240 km: The distance traveled by Microjoule, a vehicle designed and built by the children of the Lycee La Jolieverie, France, on 3.79 L of fuel.

51: The number of German women over the age of 80 who have bought motorcycles this year.

Sources: Euromonitor; United Nations Environment Program; Audience Selection; Science; Euromonitor;Western Forester; New Scientist; Shell; Ace