Families: My Boss, My Wife

John Morris, 45, Chief Operating Officer of First Financial Network Inc., gets along well with his boss, Bliss, who is president and founder of the 12-person Oklahoma City firm, which helps banks sell their loans on the secondary market. The two acknowledge their differences--he is more methodical while she jumps quickly into projects and shoots from the hip--and their contrasting styles have made them a good team. "All eyes are on Bliss when she's out there dealing with clients and I'm busy handling day-to-day operations," John says. "And this just works out so well for our different personalities." After a pause he adds, "Then we get to take these good feelings and positive energy home to our four children."

Relationships at home and at work can be complicated enough when they are handled separately. But when a man's boss is also his wife, the need to respect each other's abilities and accept differences becomes critical--on many fronts.

Such situations are becoming more commonplace. Rudy Lewis, president of the National Association of Home Based Businesses, estimates that over the past five years he has seen an increase of about 50% in the number of husbands reporting to their wives or becoming partners with wives who are already in business. Overall, according to the IRS, the number of male-female jointly operated proprietorships jumped from 433,000 in 1986 to nearly 743,000 in 1997, the latest year for which figures are available. By now, the couples who launch these partnerships and the experts who advise them have worked out some guidelines for achieving harmony at the office and at home:

TEST THE WATERS Katherine Crowley, a New York City psychotherapist and co-owner of Small Business Strategy, a consultancy, suggests that couples who are thinking of going into a business in which the wife is the boss might first try putting her in charge of a shared household project like painting a room or organizing closets. Taking on a business-related project together before making it an official work relationship can also be instructive. Each partner will see how the other works, and can judge whether their differences are tolerable.

Scott Hinkle, a Greensboro, N.C., family therapist, says before couples work together they should explore their backgrounds and feelings through family therapy. "If a husband saw his father being completely in charge and is himself used to being more in control, he is fooling himself if he thinks that he is not going to have problems reporting to his wife," Hinkle says.

GO WITH YOUR STRENGTHS Tom Mesereau, 42, joined his wife Mona, 40, in the public-relations business in 1997, after her nine-month-old company began booming and she needed a partner to help handle the workload. Both had experience in marketing and public relations, but Tom had more background in computers and graphics, so he took on those tasks. The two run their business out of the basement of their Parker, Colo., home, with their kids--Michael, 12, and Mariah, 10--never very far away. "I had enough security and confidence in myself to be able to sit back and let Mona take over on projects that she was more expert at," Tom says.