News Quiz Aug. 27, 2001

1. The International Chess Federation began drug testing because:

a) E-popping Kasparov keeps hugging the pawns b) of Big Blue's silicone habit c) it wants chess in the Olympics d) nobody, but nobody, can beat Cheech

2. George W. Bush is:

a) looking for help sounding out "E-I-E-I-O" b) trying to win voters for George P. c) having the hardest workday of his term d) reading from The Hungry Caterpillar

3. NBC hired MTV's Carson Daly to:

a) date Jack Welch's great-great-granddaughter b) tempt both Will and Grace c) play host on the show Later d) make network exec Scott Sassa the second oiliest guy in the office

4. Kerri Strug was hired to be John McCain's intern because:

a) McConnell got Dominique Dawes b) his bottom file is very hard to get to c) she was qualified d) evil lobbyists can be eliminated by transferring their calls to a recording of her voice

5. Bush had the White House chef stock three jellies because:

a) he likes to have choices for PB&J b) finger paint has "icky" consistency c) he mastered the early version of Guess That Jelly!

ANSWERS: 1-c, 2-d, 3-c, 4-c, 5-a