We Gather Together

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It's possible that some people have reacted to the new pressures by throwing themselves into their work, but they are hard to find. Much more common are stories of people pulling back a bit, if they can afford to, taking the events of the fall as a chance to ask hard questions about how they use their time, whether their boss actually deserves more attention than their children. Jaffe Dickerson, a senior partner for a law firm in Los Angeles, lost a close friend on one of the hijacked United flights. The impact finally hit him a few weeks ago as he contemplated the speech he was supposed to give at a conference in Montreal the next day. It was for a group he had been trying to bring together for years, a perfect networking opportunity. "I was sitting in my office looking out the window, and I said, 'I don't want to do this,'" recalls Dickerson, who is the father of two teenage daughters. "It hit me like a thunderclap that I didn't want to go. So I got on my computer and told the conference organizers that, based on the circumstances, I would be canceling and spending time with my family."

He has found in recent weeks that his clients have other lives as well and are actually eager to talk about them. "I have started having dozens of conversations with clients where we just talk about our kids, something we never had a chance to talk about before, and I mean talk sincerely," he says. "You ask people questions now about their families because you really want to hear the answer. All of us realize we may not get that chance to have that conversation again."

It is too soon to say whether the combination of rewired values and a recessionary economy will prompt large numbers of people to change careers, lower their expectations, do what they like instead of what they're told. But you can catch a glimpse here and there: more and more employees are asking to telecommute, work from home, keep flexible hours. Of the new students in a massage-therapy program at San Jose's Trinity College, half have either quit or been laid off in Silicon Valley. Last month four of the school's graduates were hired to work full time giving massages at nearby tech giant Cisco Systems. Bosses are realizing they have to be more accommodating or risk losing people they need.

Before Sept. 11, Gian Luca Fiori, a Boston wholesaler who imports marble and granite from all over the world, used to hop on a plane to Italy or India to inspect stone. After Sept. 11 he called his suppliers and canceled all his trips. "I asked them to send me a digital photo," he says. "I can make the decision from here." Last year he logged 120,000 miles on American Airlines; this year he expects to cut that in half. At some point he knows he will have to get back on the road--his business demands some face time--but the temporary hiatus is great.