Families: Dads And Daughters

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Kieschnick decided to tackle the image problem head on, and three years ago he teamed with Joe Kelly, a father of twin 21-year-old daughters, to start Dads and Daughters, a lobbying group that has since attracted 2,000 members around the country. Through letter writing, e-mail campaigns and phone calls, the organization has successfully persuaded the CEOs of eight companies such as Campbell's and Sun-In to pull ads that perpetuate negative stereotypes for girls. Says Kelly: "Since most CEOs are men, we write to them dad to dad and ask them, 'Is this the message you want to send your daughter?'"

Kelly, 47, who is also the author of Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast (Broadway Books), is constantly on the road, meeting with fathers and their daughters, helping them find ways to stay in each other's lives. "I tell stories about the importance of the relationship and how unique it is," he says. "I've noticed a generational shift out there. Men who are younger than I am seem to want more connection with their daughters, but it's a challenge. After all, dads grew up as boys. That's a huge disadvantage."

It can be daunting for a man to figure out how to bridge the chasm between, for example, his love of pro football and his daughter's passion for 'N Sync. But, says Kelly, the main thing is to spend time together, to try to regard her interests with an open mind. Steve Emmett, 53, a psychologist in Scituate, Mass., who grew up in a family of boys and is the father of two teenage sons and a daughter Katherine, 11, decided to carve out special time with his daughter by taking daily bike rides to their favorite spot, the lighthouse near their home. "It's just the two of us going to the lighthouse, and we talk about things together," says Katherine. "He's a pretty good listener."

It can be even more unnerving for some men to engage with their daughters when the girls hit puberty and, at times, overwhelm their dads with their burgeoning sexuality. In response, many fathers simply pull away. "It can be a very confusing time for dads, but when fathers connect with their daughters, they're laying the groundwork for positive relationships with boys later on," says Kelly. "Girls who feel connected and respected by their father will look for the same healthy relationships with the boys in their life."

Dads and Daughters has come up with some practical suggestions to help fathers connect with their daughters:

--CARPOOL The more time dads spend with daughters and their friends in the car and at their school, the more insight they can have into their daughters' world.

--TAKE AN INTEREST IN HER ACTIVITIES Studies show that when fathers take an active interest in and play sports with their daughters, the girls are less likely to have unhealthy or abusive relationships.

--LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGING Fathers sometimes want to rush in and fix problems; daughters don't always need solutions but want to air their feelings without fretting that Dad will freak.

--SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES Girls benefit from knowing that even dads have faced adolescent uncertainty.

--SPEND ONE-ON-ONE TIME Bike riding, going out for ice cream or playing board games together is great for younger girls; older girls enjoy going alone with Dad to a favorite restaurant or having a regular bowling date.