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Sometimes, though, you have to choose. If it's possible, try to do so in a way that allows for a later rapprochement. If you know one partner has lots of support, choose the other. Eventually, both exes may build new lives with new partners, and it's possible the friendship will not last or will change. But therapists emphasize how important it is not to desert the former couple. This is especially true, says nyu's Carter, if there are children. "As far as kids are concerned, the fewer broken connections, the better," she says. "Having the sense that Mom has friends who are also friends with Dad tells them that not everything in the world has changed." --With reporting by Lisa McLaughlin/New York