Teens Wanted

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The teens often need as much encouragement and counseling as the prospective parents do. Project Teen Plus, a program created by the Foster and Adoptive Care Coalition of Greater St. Louis, Mo., provides a support group to help teenagers process their fears and doubts about adoption. "Many have lived in institutions so long, they have no idea what life in a family is like," says Melanie Sheetz, executive director of the coalition. She accompanies girls to a meal each Sunday with a foster mom, so they can learn what to expect.

Teens often feel ambivalent about joining a new family. "It's hard to believe an adult will love and protect you when that hasn't been your experience," says Marti Wiser, Idaho's Wednesday's Child coordinator. Besides the fear of personal rejection, many teens in foster care are worried that being adopted amounts to a rejection of their birth family--a painful dilemma. Gary Mallon, an adoption expert at the Hunter College School of Social Work, suggests "unpacking the no"--finding out what's behind a teenager's resistance--and offering the option of remaining in touch with birth families while entering adoptive homes. In other cases, teenagers realize that they have to move on. "I knew I didn't want to repeat the lives of my parents, and I didn't know anything else," Jason says, "That's why I wanted a new family."

Once a match is made, there will probably be some rough sledding for families who adopt adolescents with the kind of past that landed them in foster care. No one knows that better than Fonda Fantroy, a Head Start administrator in St. Louis who has adopted five teens--two sets of siblings from families with a history of sexual abuse and alcoholism. "It's not always fun," says Fantroy, 50. "Every Saturday I'm in therapy with one of my kids." Fantroy, who is single and also has a biological child, says she likes the challenge of raising teenagers: "There's just a small window of opportunity in which to cram all the values of good family life." So far, she seems to be succeeding; all her kids who are in school are honors students. One negative of adopting a teen, says Fantroy, is the expense--car insurance, clothing, social activities. Another issue is college tuition; adopted teens may have less access to financial aid than those in foster care. And newly minted parents, Fantroy points out, have not had time to save for college.

In most states, adoptive parents receive subsidies similar to foster-care allowances. Fantroy, for instance, gets $300 a month for each child. In addition, foster kids normally have Medicaid coverage that continues, even after adoption, until they are 18.

A teenager typically spends six to nine months with a prospective family before an adoption is finalized. It's a delicate period, and studies suggest that somewhere between 10% and 24% of these placements fail--a higher rate than for younger adoptees. The key to success seems to be careful preparation of both the teen and the family. Community support also helps. When George and Jeri Soulier approached their pastor about adopting Jason, he responded, "If we can't support you in doing this, then we are not a church."

Jackson believes that anything short of "unconditional commitment" condemns a young person to further trauma. "If your biological children have bouts of mental illness or get arrested for drug dealing, do you ditch them?" he asks.