In the Middle of a War: AIDS

But not all gays are smiling about their self-imposed curbs on sex. "It's like having a third party hi the room, warning you not to do this or that," says one Boston man. "It makes the sex stilted and clinical." Others see some benefits. Gays who could never before commit themselves are being propelled into long-term relationships; they are being pushed into deeper emotional involvements. "I think there has been a tremendously constructive response to AIDS by the gay community," says Susan Tross, a psychologist at New York City's Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, who has studied 233 gay men. "They are dating more. They are having monogamous relationships."

Others have made even more radical decisions. "I'd say that one-third of the men in our workshops say they've had no sex due to fear of AIDS," says Michael Wilson, president of Houston's KS-AIDS Foundation. Instead, some apparently release their sexual energies through masturbation, pornography, and sex by phone. The Advocate classifieds list several numbers that offer a seductive voice on the other end of the wire, payment to be made by credit card. "Horny? Call Your Adonis," says one ad. Sales of gay porn have risen, and video cassette recorders have never been so popular. "The party's over," said one New York gay as he was about to attend a memorial service for yet another casualty. "You just stop having sex. I now make love to my VCR."

Some have chosen to ignore the AIDS threat altogether, indulging still in the casual, promiscuous sex that initially followed gay liberation. A few are fatalistic. "I figure we've all been infected by now," says Corey Willis, a waiter in a San Francisco restaurant. "Either you're going to get it or you aren't. And worrying isn't going to do any good."

By one estimate, as many as 20% of homosexuals still practice the riskiest sexual behavior, which is the taking of multiple partners; some still patronize bathhouses for brief, anonymous encounters. "Quite honestly, I'm dismayed," says Miami's Dr. Allan J. Stein, a family physician whose patient load is 30% gay. "I've been trying for three years to talk to these people. I wonder: Am 'I doing my job right? Maybe I should have yelled." Says Jeremy Landau, project coordinator of a counseling center in San Francisco: "Let's face it. Some people just don't find safe sex exciting."

Still, the majority of gays have recognized the menace of AIDS, have mobilized against it, and sense in their unity an opportunity to become a more effective force in their communities and in the nation. Men who were previously aloof are now becoming involved in the gay movement. "AIDS has been a dramatic political education for a lot of gay men who never understood why we were bothering with activism," says Jeff Levi, political director of the National Gay Task Force. "We will emerge from this strengthened, even if weakened in numbers." --By Gerald Clarke. Reported by Jon D. Hull/San Francisco and Arturo Yáñez/New York