Punchlines: Jul. 11, 2005

"Bush is doing anything he can now to boost his popularity. In fact, tomorrow he will be jumping up and down on Oprah's couch."  --DAVID LETTERMAN

"Jimmy Buffett, Jay-Z and Avril Lavigne signed a brief supporting the record companies, while Heart, Brian Eno and Terence Trent D'Arby joined forces to support Grokster. It was a lineup that ensured no matter how the court ruled, the music at the victory party would suck."  --JON STEWART

"VATICAN TIGHTENS NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS STANDARDS."  --Fake news headline from THE ONION

Quotes of the Day »

GEORGE LITTLE, Pentagon press secretary, on the decision to ease the restrictions on women in combat roles; women currently make up nearly 14% of the U.S. armed forces
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