Punchlines: Aug. 1, 2005

By DEPARTMENT Sunday, Jul. 24, 2005

"Hot today--isn't it hot? It is so hot today that Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove leaked the names Ben and Jerry."

--DAVID LETTERMAN

"President Bush announced that he has nominated Judge John Roberts to the court. When asked why, Bush said he picked Roberts because he has one of the finest legal minds since Matlock."

--CONAN O'BRIEN

"BUSH AWAITS ORDERS FROM ROVE ON HANDLING OF ROVE SCANDAL"

--Fake news headline from

THE ONION

"President Bush said the job of the Supreme Court is extremely important, because as you know these are the people who choose the President of the United States."

--JAY LENO

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  1. The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting
  2. The '00s: Goodbye (at Last) to the Decade From Hell
  3. The Gospel of Glee: Is It Anti-Christian?
  4. When Thanksgiving Comes to Afghanistan
  5. Zhu Zhu Mania: Hamster Toys Are Ruling Christmas
  6. Obama's 'Mistakes': Way Too Early to Judge
  7. In His Cave, a Palestinian Farmer Makes a Stand
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  9. One Year After the Mumbai Massacre, a Trial Plods On
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"We don't want to show him off like an exotic animal."
Swiss Justice Ministry spokesman FOLCO GALLI, on the decision to place director Roman Polanski under house arrest at his Alpine chalet. Swiss authorities say they won't appeal against a ruling granting bail
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Quotes of the Day »

Get & Share
"We don't want to show him off like an exotic animal."
Swiss Justice Ministry spokesman FOLCO GALLI, on the decision to place director Roman Polanski under house arrest at his Alpine chalet. Swiss authorities say they won't appeal against a ruling granting bail
More Quotes »

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