Secrets to a Long and Happy Sex Life

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Don't Be a Pill
In this Viagra-driven era, some experts say, it is easy to lose sight of the goal of a sexual relationship--at any age. The real priority should be sharing and intimacy. "Yes, we want our partner to have an erection!" says Barbara Keesling, author of All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man over 50 (HarperCollins). "For his enjoyment, and for ours. But what we want more than anything is to have a partner we can make love to. It is our heart and soul that we want to have penetrated." Moreover, Keesling cautions that taking a pill doesn't necessarily make a man more sensual, more caring or more loving. "To the contrary, it can actually decrease his motivation to become a better partner, particularly if he's a man who equates having an erection with being a satisfying lover."

Location, Location, Location
Variety is the spice of life, say the new senior sexperts. What about making love somewhere other than in your bedroom? Advises Married Lust's Lister: "If you really want to enjoy the rush of novelty, you're going to have to take your show on the road, the first stop being any room in the rest of the house, from the kitchen to the basement to the bathroom to the attic...With one simple change of place, even if it's the bathroom you're remodeling in your own home, all the qualities you miss from your early days together--the spontaneity, the fun, the sense of derring-do--are brought back." For the particularly adventurous (now that it's warmer throughout most of the country), try doing it outside. But please, remember the neighbors.

Cruising the Slow Lane
"You should not be threatened by the fact that he is slowing down," Keesling reassures women. "You should be welcoming the changes and celebrating the shift. He needs to learn to crawl through intimate moments and feel everything--every nuance, every gesture, every impulse, every twinge. This is the only way for him to 'come alive' and stay that way for decades." Keesling recommends kisses, caresses and lovemaking that is "more deliberate and slow."

Dally By Daylight
Saving your love till night may not be optimal, suggests Dr. Rosenthal in Sex over 40. "Lovemaking in the morning gives you the opportunity to make love when your body is rested and your mind is fresh and clear," he says. "It can make sex a pleasure instead of a chore." Plan a gourmet feast for two. A small bouquet of flowers will add a loving touch. After breakfast, it's back to bed. Or wherever.