Punchlines: Aug. 29, 2005
"This week the Israeli government began moving thousands of Jewish settlers from the Gaza Strip. Officials say once the area is cleared of all Jews, the land will be renamed Utah." --CONAN O'BRIEN
"According to a poll in USA Today, 40% of Mexicans say they would move to the U.S. if they had the chance. The other 60% are already here."
--JAY LENO
"A recent checkup showed [President Bush] is arguably the healthiest Chief Executive ever. His secret? Daily exercise and a near total disengagement with reality."
--JON STEWART
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