U.S.
  • Full Archive
  • Covers


Punchlines

  • Print
  • Email
  • Share
  • Reprints
  • Related

"This week the Israeli government began moving thousands of Jewish settlers from the Gaza Strip. Officials say once the area is cleared of all Jews, the land will be renamed Utah." --CONAN O'BRIEN

"According to a poll in USA Today, 40% of Mexicans say they would move to the U.S. if they had the chance. The other 60% are already here."

--JAY LENO

"A recent checkup showed [President Bush] is arguably the healthiest Chief Executive ever. His secret? Daily exercise and a near total disengagement with reality."

--JON STEWART

For more political humor, visit time.com/cartoons


Connect to this TIME Story

Interact with
this story

  • Facebook







Get the Latest News from Time.com
Sign up to get the latest news and headlines delivered straight to your inbox.

Quotes of the Day »

SUE SEKEL, of Toledo, Ohio, who was cleaning her house when Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama knocked on her door during a campaign stop




U.S.
  • Full Archive
  • Covers