Punchlines: Sep. 5, 2005

By DEPARTMENT Sunday, Aug. 28, 2005

"He's bike riding, he's jogging five miles a day, lifting weights ... Is he preparing for something we don't know about? Some kind of 'every man for himself' scenario comin' down the pike?" --JON STEWART

"President Bush today took a break from his vacation in Texas to vacation at an exclusive resort in Idaho. Ringo Starr has a busier schedule." --JIMMY KIMMEL

"PAT ROBERTSON URGES U.S. TO COVET CHAVEZ' WIFE Televangelist Breaks Second Commandment In Two Days." --Fake news headline from BOROWITZREPORT.COM

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  4. The Fall of Greg Craig, Obama's Top Lawyer
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"I read — I read Newsmax, and the [Mat-Su Valley] Frontiersman, and the Wall Street Journal, and everything online. I absorb the news via many, many sources."
SARAH PALIN, former Alaska governor, in an interview with Fox News' Sean Hannity; Palin has been ridiculed for an interview more than a year ago with Katie Couric in which she couldn't answer the question of what news sources she reads
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Quotes of the Day »

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"I read — I read Newsmax, and the [Mat-Su Valley] Frontiersman, and the Wall Street Journal, and everything online. I absorb the news via many, many sources."
SARAH PALIN, former Alaska governor, in an interview with Fox News' Sean Hannity; Palin has been ridiculed for an interview more than a year ago with Katie Couric in which she couldn't answer the question of what news sources she reads
More Quotes »

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