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You've Been Served
The puns are irresistible. Tennis hottie ANNA KOURNIKOVA is finally returning to the court, but she's matched against her parents. Alla and Sergei are suing their daughter, 22, over a waterfront house the three bought in Miami Beach for $5 million. Mom and Dad want to sell and net some cash, but Anna won't play along. She volleyed back last week with a countersuit to take her parents' names off the deed, since she had fronted the dough for the seven-bedroom spread. Apparently, nothing is out of bounds for this family.

The Lies of David Gale
If all the world's a stage, then is there such a thing as lying, or is it just acting? Let's ask KEVIN SPACEY, the Oscar winner who told London police he had been "mugged" in a park while walking his dog at 4:30 a.m. Spacey later confessed that the culprit was a con man who had tricked him into handing over his cell phone. The bump on his head? Self-inflicted, as the thespian gave chase, tripped over his dog and fell. Spacey later jokingly implied that David Beckham had bribed him to do something stupid enough to move the soccer star off the front pages of the British tabs. O.K., now that we believe.

Reality Bites Back
More proof that the people who made America were smarter than the people who made American Idol: the Founding Fathers had the foresight to create institutions to keep voters in check. Reality-TV connoisseurs were abuzz last week when the show's dial-in audience voted to boot JENNIFER HUDSON, a looker with a great voice, over candidates much less favored by the judges. Two other black singers wound up in the bottom three, and theories for the upset ran the gamut from racism to a power outage in the Midwest, Hudson's home. (Our theory: blame Florida.) After he announced the results, Ryan Seacrest looked into the camera and implored the audience to vote for the talent. Right. The American Idol folks are shocked that people would rather see Simon Cowell go to work on some undertalented human target than listen to another slow ballad for Paula Abdul to fawn over. Don't they watch reality TV?