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AN STYLE='font-size: 100%; color: #990000; font-weight: bold; '>Q&A with William H. Macy
William H. Macy stars in The Wool Cap — a story about a mute alcoholic who gets stuck taking care of a junkie's child — which he adapted from the 1962 movie Gigot. It airs Nov. 21 on TNT.

There's a monkey in this movie. I found myself in a scene with a kid, Don Rickles and a monkey. I thought, Who wrote this?

Well, you wrote it. I wrote it all. No one to blame but myself.

You play another sad, down-on-his-luck man. What other kind of character would you like to play? I'd like to play the guy who looks like the Good Humor salesman, but when he leaves, the entire family is dead, including the pets.

You take your shirt off too. Was it fun to be shirtless? No, I was horrified. I love this country, and I feel an obligation to keep my clothes on.

Your wife, actress Felicity Huffman, one of the Desperate Housewives, told Oprah that she understands the insanity of parenting. That worry you? I've had both kids by myself. She's right. I don't care who your kids are — sometimes you don't know whether you want to throw them out the window or leap out the window yourself.

What is your house life like? Loud and busy. Every once in a while, you walk through the house and you realize: I'm alone. The impulse to take off your pants and smoke cigarettes and drink vodka and play loud rock-'n'-roll music is overwhelming, and I've done exactly those things.

Did you know that you can get only the first two seasons of ER on DVD? What's up with that? Well, I was in the first two seasons, and I'm thinking those are the ones people really want to see.

When Stars Allegedly Attack
CAMERON DIAZ lost a shoe and some dignity when tussling with photographers who, she says, ambushed her and beau Justin Timberlake. The paparazzi told Us that Diaz, who walked off with a camera, started it, and they have sued the star couple. Yes, it was quite a week of celebrity He Says, She Says.

BURT REYNOLDS sued ex-girlfriend Pamela Seals. HE SAYS she threatened to go public with false allegations of abuse if he didn't pay her. In her suit, SHE SAYS he gave her years of beating and toe stomping.

LIZA MINNELLI was sued by former bodyguard M'Hammed Soumayah. HE SAYS she beat him and coerced him into sex. In a countersuit, SHE SAYS he's in breach of contract and fiduciary duty.

BILL MAHER got sued by ex — gal pal Nancy Johnson (a.k.a. centerfold Coco Johnsen). HE SAYS the suit is frivolous and false. SHE SAYS he backed out of plans to marry her and manhandled her at a party.

Hitched to a Star
STAR JONES was never one for understatement. When The View co-hostess got engaged in February to banker AL REYNOLDS, it was with a five-carat diamond at an NBA game in front of 20,000 fans. Then came the self-promotion: plugging wedding vendors on air; running starandal.com, a website where curious fans could keep up with the plans for her nuptials. True to form, the ceremony in New York City last week was pure spectacle. The couple exchanged vows in front of 450 guests — plus a 49-person bridal party. Jones may be spokeswoman for the shoe store, but a Payless event it was not.

Life in the Fast Lane Catches Up
Olympic swimmer MICHAEL PHELPS slows down for no competitor — nor, apparently, for certain stop signs. After blasting through an intersection in his native Maryland, the 19-year-old was pulled over and busted for drunken driving. The pool boy had been partying with college students in Salisbury — a small town where the biggest celebrity spotting is normally of chicken magnate Frank Perdue. Phelps, who parlayed eight medals (six of them gold) and a squeaky-clean image into oodles of endorsement deals, humbly apologized. All right, but there's still the matter of those how-low-can-you-go Speedos.