Breaking Away

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Divorce, remarriage, stepkids and ex-in-laws as well as kids scattered over the country have also reshaped the way boomers celebrate. Dianne Schwartz, 57, and her second husband, David, broke tradition last Christmas by going to Paris and leaving her four and his two grown kids to figure out how to celebrate without Mom and Dad. "I've always done the whole Christmas thing," Dianne says, "but it's gotten harder with a blended family and most of our kids, ranging in age from 28 to 37, not living near us in Nashville." When the couple unveiled their plans, not every child was totally happy. Her 33-year-old daughter asked, "How can you desert us?" But it worked out fine. "You realize your kids can manage," Dianne says, adding that she did assuage her guilt with the one distraught daughter by cooking a traditional Christmas dinner for her and her friends four days before leaving for France.

No question, the way boomers have parented has contributed to new practices. "Our mothers defined good family life by cleaning the house, washing our clothes and making elaborate holiday meals," says Linda Dunlap, chair of the psychology department at Marist College. "We define it as connection, conversation and relaxation with our kids."

That is infinitely easier on a 10-day cruise to Mexico, as the Schiffer family of Santa Barbara, Calif., discovered last Thanksgiving. "For us, this was a celebration where the focus was on family fun rather than just food," says Howard Schiffer, 55, father of three and author of How to Be a Family--The Operating Manual. Not that the family didn't eat like kings. But more important, they had plenty of time to do things together, like surfing, swimming, exploring and shopping.

Experts note that the social phenomenon of people marrying and starting families later allows parents a gap during which they can break away from the old ways. Some couples with married kids complain that the next generation is too slow to change its approach to holidays. That's why parents like the Schwartzes take off and leave the adult kids to fend for themselves. "After our holiday in Paris," Dianne Schwartz says, "I realized I'd needed to nudge the kids into starting their own traditions. After all, it's part of the growth process."

Then there's the commercial aspect. The rise in creative holiday celebrations coincides with the coming of age of the events-planning industry. "Twenty years ago, events planning was in its infancy. Today you can get a college degree in it," says Howard Givner, president of Paint the Town Red, an event-planning company in New York City. Add to that the multitude of sophisticated consumers who put a premium on their time. "It's worth it to many boomers to pay someone else to do the work," says Givner. "In the end, a turkey's a turkey. Who cares who cooked it?"

Resorts and cruise lines have risen to meet the new demand. The Broadmoor, a venerable hotel in Colorado Springs, Colo., has seen a 3% increase each year in the number of multigenerational families who celebrate holidays there. Canyon Ranch, which has enjoyed a steady Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter business, added Passover seders seven or eight years ago. They are populated mostly by couples, like the Friends, who leave the family behind to get a new type of R. and R.: religion and relaxation.