Punchlines: Sep. 26, 2005
"Chief Justice nominee John G. Roberts said in his opening statement at the confirmation hearings that he has no agenda and no platform. You know what that means? He could be the next Democratic candidate for President." --JAY LENO
"Dolphins washed out of an aquarium during the hurricane were rescued from the Gulf of Mexico. Later the dolphins said, 'Thank God we've been saved from swimming freely in the ocean and put back in our tanks.'" --CONAN O'BRIEN
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MICHAEL BLOOMBERG, New York City mayor, criticizing two EMTs accused of ignoring a pregnant woman who collapsed in a coffee shop where they were taking a break; the woman and her baby later died
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