Punchlines: Oct. 3, 2005
"In Cleveland, doctors are planning for the first-ever face transplant. I hate to break it to the doctors, but I was at the Emmys. It's been done." --JAY LENO
"I understand that Kim Jong Il enjoys Western entertainment, so on the off chance that he may be watching this program, I would like to take a moment to address the Dear Leader: Listen, f___head, you got the Bush Administration to promise not to attack you. Don't blow that. Mexico can't even get that. Every day, Canadians check the map to make sure we didn't move the border on them overnight. We're badass, baby." --JON STEWART
"It's been announced that the first Starbucks has reopened in New Orleans. Residents were thankful and said, 'We may have lost our homes, but at least we can start paying $5 for a cup of coffee again.'" --CONAN O'BRIEN
Most Popular »
- 'Tear Down This Wall': Reagan's Speech That Ended the Cold War
- Are You Getting Scammed by Facebook Games?
- Priests Spar Over What It Means to Be Catholic
- Military Fears Gains with Muslim Soldiers May Be Lost
- The State of Hillary: A Mixed Record on the Job
- Stresses at Fort Hood Were Likely Intense for Hasan
- Why We Look at Some Web Ads and Not Others
- Hasan's Therapy: Could 'Secondary Trauma' Have Driven Him to Shooting?
- Brazil Student Expelled for Mini-Dress
- China Woos Africa and Not Just for Its Resources
- Are You Getting Scammed by Facebook Games?
- Priests Spar Over What It Means to Be Catholic
- The Secrets Inside Your Dog's Mind
- Why We Look at Some Web Ads and Not Others
- China Woos Africa and Not Just for Its Resources
- I Can Has Swine Flu? A Cat Comes Down with H1N1
- 'Tear Down This Wall': Reagan's Speech That Ended the Cold War
- Military Fears Gains with Muslim Soldiers May Be Lost
- Let's Bail Out the Pot Dealers!
- 'I Am Autism': An Advocacy Video Sparks Protest







RSS