"[Game 3 of the World Series] lasted 5 hours and 41 minutes. As it dragged on and on, I started to think it was something George Bush got us into." --DAVID LETTERMAN
"Tonight, [President] Bush appoints a new Federal Reserve chairman. If you don't care, you're probably poor." --STEPHEN COLBERT
"Rumor around Hollywood is that Gwyneth Paltrow is pregnant again. No word from Gwyneth and her husband Chris Martin, but word from the inside is that they've been spending hours watching the Food Network to decide what to name the baby." --JIMMY KIMMEL
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