Punchlines: Dec. 19, 2005

"Howard Dean said that we can't win in Iraq. And if anybody knows about not winning, it's the Democrats."

--JAY LENO

"Saddam Hussein stood up at his trial and shouted, 'I am not afraid of execution!' Until his lawyers explained, 'You are not going to execute anybody. It's you that is going to be executed.' At which point [Saddam] said in Arabic, and this is a rough translation, 'Ah, my bad.'"

--JON STEWART

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld criticized the media for portraying the Iraq war in a negative light. He said, 'The media should focus on the more light-hearted, fun aspects of the war.'"

--CONAN O'BRIEN

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MARTHA STEWART, when asked about the insider-trading scandal that, by her estimates, cost her company more than a billion dollars
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Quotes of the Day »

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MARTHA STEWART, when asked about the insider-trading scandal that, by her estimates, cost her company more than a billion dollars

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