Punchlines: Jan. 16, 2006

By DEPARTMENT Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006

"The guy who was the former chef at the White House has written a tell-all book. For example, he says Dick Cheney, Vice President, his favorite dish is something called chicken Gitmo—it's chicken bound and gagged over rice." —DAVID LETTERMAN

"John Kerry is positioning himself for another run at the White House in 2008. Kerry said this campaign will be much better than the last one. He says this time he's gonna take three positions on each issue." —JAY LENO

"Dirty Dancing star Patrick Swayze has announced that he's working on a rap album. Industry experts say it's important Swayze does the album now—while he's hot." —CONAN O'BRIEN

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  2. Female Sexual Dysfunction: Myth or Malady?
  3. Three Key Lessons from Obama's China Tour
  4. Tuition Hikes: Protests in California and Elsewhere
  5. Pap Tests: Another Revision of Recommendations
  6. New Moon Review: Team Jacob Ascending
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  8. Hey Ireland, Please Drop the World Cup Do-Over
  9. The Fall of Greg Craig
  10. The Story of Barack Obama's Mother

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"Senators must meet a much higher standard of conduct."
U.S. SENATE ETHICS COMMITTEE, warning Illinois Senator Roland Burris about making "inconsistent, misleading or incomplete" statements regarding the circumstances surrounding his appointment to the seat once held by Barack Obama; Burris was not punished
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Quotes of the Day »

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"Senators must meet a much higher standard of conduct."
U.S. SENATE ETHICS COMMITTEE, warning Illinois Senator Roland Burris about making "inconsistent, misleading or incomplete" statements regarding the circumstances surrounding his appointment to the seat once held by Barack Obama; Burris was not punished
More Quotes »

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