Punchlines: Mar. 20, 2006
"The British government has asked people to conserve water. And today the entire country volunteered to give up brushing their teeth." --JAY LENO
"The FDA has approved the first ever transdermal patch for the treatment of depression. Simply remove the backing and press the patch firmly over your mother's mouth." --TINA FEY
"The other day, New Age musician Yanni was arrested for fighting with his girlfriend. Not to be outdone, John Tesh and Kenny G. have gone on a killing spree." --CONAN O'BRIEN
"BARRY BONDS TOOK STEROIDS, REPORTS EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER WATCHED BASEBALL" --Fake news headline from THE ONION
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RAY KELLY, New York City Police Commissioner, on the arrest of a New Jersey man in one of the nation's most baffling missing-children cases, the disappearance more than three decades ago of 6-year-old Etan Patz.
