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Punchlines
Mixx"The British government has asked people to conserve water. And today the entire country volunteered to give up brushing their teeth." --JAY LENO
"The FDA has approved the first ever transdermal patch for the treatment of depression. Simply remove the backing and press the patch firmly over your mother's mouth." --TINA FEY
"The other day, New Age musician Yanni was arrested for fighting with his girlfriend. Not to be outdone, John Tesh and Kenny G. have gone on a killing spree." --CONAN O'BRIEN
"BARRY BONDS TOOK STEROIDS, REPORTS EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER WATCHED BASEBALL" --Fake news headline from THE ONION
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Quotes of the Day »
ABDUL RAHIM WARDAK, Afghan Defense Minister, on NATO's agreement to start attacking opium factories in Afghanistan. Proceeds from opium sales help fund the Taliban
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