Punchlines: Mar. 27, 2006

By DEPARTMENT Sunday, Mar. 19, 2006

"This new series called Big Love is about a guy with three wives in Utah. You know what the penalty is for having three wives? Three mothers-in-law." --JAY LENO

"Last night Ozzy Osbourne was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. During his speech, Ozzy choked up and said, 'This is a night I will remember for the rest of the night.'" --CONAN O'BRIEN

"The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers defended the quality of the materials being used to rebuild the levees around New Orleans and said they would be ready for the next hurricane season--as long as there are no hurricanes." --AMY POEHLER

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"With hindsight it's the border guards we must thank."
HANS MONDROW, East Germany's last communist prime minister, on the East German soldiers who ignored orders to shoot to kill those crossing into West Germany and made the decision to open the border on Nov. 9, 1989
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Quotes of the Day »

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"With hindsight it's the border guards we must thank."
HANS MONDROW, East Germany's last communist prime minister, on the East German soldiers who ignored orders to shoot to kill those crossing into West Germany and made the decision to open the border on Nov. 9, 1989
More Quotes »

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