People: Mar. 27, 2006

WANTED: ATHEIST SCHOOL CHEF

Well, it finally happened: South Park offended someone. Singer Isaac Hayes, 63, the voice of the cartoon's sex-obsessed CHEF, has quit, citing its "intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs of others." Matt Stone, South Park's co-creator, says that Hayes had "no problem--and he's cashed plenty of checks--with our show making fun of Christians" and only "got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion." At issue is a November 2005 episode that mocked the Church of Scientology, of which Hayes is a member, and the world's most famous Scientologist, Tom Cruise. The show was not rerun last week, as scheduled, for reasons Comedy Central declined to explain. Maybe somebody realized it wasn't very well drawn.

Q&A VIN DIESEL

Vin Diesel wore a wig and gained 30 lbs. to play real-life mobster Jackie DiNorscio in Find Me Guilty, a courtroom dramedy directed by Sidney Lumet.

You went from action to comedy pretty quickly. Are you worried you've cashed in your action-hero chips too fast? That doesn't enter into it. I don't think like that. I love to do action movies. I love to do comedies. I would love to do dramas and romantic comedies.

How did you end up landing a Sidney Lumet movie? I've been acting long enough that I used to say, 'If I'm not a star by 18, I'm going to get out of the business.' I just kept going until I was so frustrated that I ended up writing my own short movie, Multi-Facial. Ten years later, Sidney Lumet sees it and wants me to play Jackie DiNorscio.

And what's it like working with Lumet? Incredible. He's real heavy on rehearsals. He had me go through two hours of makeup for a table reading. I was like, I don't need all this. Then I realized it wasn't about me. Sidney wanted everybody at the table to only see Jackie.

Some would argue that you and co-star Peter Dinklage are sex symbols in the same way. [Laughs] Oh, great. It's in the voice. Oh, yeah, he's got a great voice. Oh, my God, Peter Dinklage's voice is just [in a mock-French accent] uncraydeeblay.

You're now producing, directing and acting in Hannibal. Are you really ambitious or a total control freak? It depends who you ask. I'm really ambitious, I'd like to think. The first two movies I made, I not only wrote, directed and starred in, I also cooked for the crew.

OH, SHE IS SO NOT INVITED NEXT YEAR

And the Oscar for Refusal to Kiss Up goes to ANNIE PROULX, 70, on whose 1997 short story Brokeback Mountain was based. After Brokeback lost the Best Picture Oscar to Crash, Proulx wrote a vituperative column in the Guardian, attacking the winning film (which she refers to as Trash), Hollywood types ("somewhat dim"), the awards event ("reminiscent of a small-town talent show" with "an atmosphere of insufferable self-importance") and even innocent bystanders Three 6 Mafia ("an atrocious act"), who won the Oscar for Best Song. She also lays into the Academy ("conservative heffalumps"). Yep, she used the H word. This could get ugly. Someone might call her a woozle.

FROM THE OVAL OFFICE TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE

EXCLUSIVE