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"The Vatican is asking Catholics to boycott the film version of The Da Vinci Code, not because of the content, but because Tom Hanks' hair looks ridiculous."

JIMMY KIMMEL "A Senate panel has recommended getting rid of FEMA. Boy, when FEMA gets wind of this in six weeks or so, they're really going to be upset." JAY LENO

"Last week Karl Rove made his fifth grand jury appearance--his fifth grand jury appearance! One more, and he gets to bang the gavel." JON STEWART

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ELLIE BERHUN, Wal-Mart customer, speaking about a post-Thanksgiving shopper stampede that trampled a suburban New York Wal-Mart worker to death




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