The Joel 100

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Not only did she give me an old SPY shirt that made me look cool with the sitcom writer, she got my Shouts and Murmurs into the New Yorker, which—at least for a week—made people think I was smart. It's the font that makes you seem smart. That's the secret.

27. Charles and Candace Nelson, owners of Sprinkles

These cupcakes will get you out of trouble with just about anyone. They're like super-flowers.

28. Leslie Unger, Oscar publicist

She came up with three column ideas for me—that were good. She's batting 100%. Both sides of my family, meanwhile, are 0 for 800.

29. Deb Bernardini, Wilco publicist

Last-minute tickets to the Jeff Tweedy solo show? She's a giver.

30. Ross Novie, friend

Building thejoelstein.com will annoy lots of people one day. But teaching me how to build thejoelstein.com will annoy lots of people forever.

31. Oprah Winfrey, television host

She invited me on to talk about James Frey. Turns out lots of chicks watch Oprah and saw me. Thanks, Oprah.

32. Shemima, account executive at Citibank

This was a bank that called me regularly with questions. Once, they told me I had made a deposit earlier that day and wanted to know who the checks were from. Me: "Uh, you have the checks there, at the bank. You can just look at them. It says at the top who they're from." They told me they were already put away in the back and it was easier just to ask me.

33. Pamela Skaist-Levy and Gela Nash, Juicy Couture designers

They sent me a pair of jeans I shouldn't have kept after doing a story on them. And I definitely shouldn't have worn them four days a week, every week. I used to wear Wranglers and feel manly. But they're so soft.

34. Kerry Assil, eye doctor

He had this machine with a laser in it that healed me like a late-night gospel preacher.

35. Mark Lisanti, Defamer.com editor

I've stolen lots of column ideas from him.

36. Stephen Colbert, comedian

I've stolen ideas from him too.

37. Luis and Carlos, illegal Guatemalan immigrants outside U-Haul

At least I think those were their names. Sure, they kept raising their price throughout the day, and at the end it worked out to more than $60 an hour, significantly more than professional movers, but getting worked over like that gave me faith that Latin American immigrants will do well in this country.

38. Mama I

My grandmother's death made me think a lot about her and mortality and family. It's going to be tough for her to get back on the list next year. Good luck, grandma.

39. Luis and Carlos, gardeners

Again, not sure of the names, because I've never met them, but these guys show up every week, pick up the $25 Cassandra tapes to the door, and do gardening stuff. I don't know if I need gardening done, but it makes me feel rich. And evil.

40. Jaume Serra, winemaker

For $7 a bottle at BevMo, I served his Cristalino cava to a whole partyful of people who thought it was champagne. Suckers.

41. Janine Lindemulder, pornographic actress

Our interaction wasn't particularly direct.

42. David Furnish, Elton John's partner

At the used-clothes sale in Rockefeller Center in which Elton John and Furnish sold 10,000 pieces from their closet for their AIDS charity, I got all my shopping done for the decade, and cheaply because, luckily I'm exactly Furnish's size. Ever put your feet inside John Wayne's footprints outside Grauman's Chinese Theater? Then you can imagine the thrill of knowing Elton John is attracted to men exactly your size.

43. Nikki Testanova, hairstylist

When I was working all the time on the sitcom and hadn't had a haircut in six months, she stayed late and shaved my head. I believed she cleaned up the Cousin It-like remains on the floor.

44. Pete Huyck, friend

He organizes lots of stuff. Much of it involves dressing in all-white with 200 people and pretending to be in a cult where everyone is named Terry, but still—who else is going to organize a trip to the wine country for 200 people?

45. Patty Kao, friend

That girl always has something going on. She don't slow down.

46. Ross McCall, friend

He showed me a bike ride through Griffith park. And he pretended I wasn't slowing him down.

47. Nilou Motamed, Travel + Leisure editor

I wanted to drive across country, and she was willing to pay for it. Then I paid for it, since my wife was all nervous about moving and didn't want to be in the car. When I tried to get out of it, Nilou said it was too late. Thanks for almost destroying my marriage, Nilou.

48. Sean McNulty, Cinemax producer

I used to do these interviews with celebrities where they'd tape me standing in a phone booth. Now they tape me from the comfort of my house. Good work, Sean!

49. Elizabeth at Wax Poetic, hair waxer

My wife, Cassandra, goes there.

50. Daron Arnold, production assistant

When I worked as a sitcom writer, he not only got us lunch, snacks, coffee drinks and Slurpees, but once slyly tricked me into taking half his sandwich when mine didn't arrive.