The Joel 100

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Not only was she hired as the consulting producer on my sitcom, then she got hired on Crumbs with me. I've had more meals with her than any person I'm not related or married to.

52. Shawn Levy, director

He exec produced and directed my sitcom and generally ran around and talked really fast. I told him his production company should be called Sean Levy Makes People Tired.

53. Marilu Henner, actress

My childhood crush played my mom in my ABC pilot. Carl Jung couldn't undo the damage that caused.

54. Gary Socol, E! producer

He put me on every 101 Hottest Hot Hotties show E! makes, thus getting me one small step closer to having a college kid yell out my name at the mall and one giant step farther from a Pulitzer.

55. Mike Leszczuk, mom's husband

Some people you have to include so you don't get in trouble. That's how these lists work.

56. Sharon Stein, dad's wife

See how this works?

57. Mike Browning, sister's husband

He bickers all the time with my sister. It's hilarious. They're in their 20s but talk like Ray Barone's parents.

58. Michael Kinsley, ex-L.A. Times editor/columnist

Sure, he's crazy smart, but when he talks about girls, it's like you're hanging with Snoop.

59. Bob Sipchen, L.A. Times editor

He left messages on my machine that started "Stein. Sipchen." Newspapers are so much manlier than magazines. Magazines are for girls.

60. Les Firestein, sitcom writer/real estate entrepreneur

Lots of good advice on buying our house. Little of which I followed. Like I'm going to renovate? Look at, me Firestein!

61 Maureen Dowd, New York Times columnist

After a six-year-long feud with me she may or may not have forgotten about, she forgave me with a note, a bottle of wine and a very strange T shirt. These, I'm guessing, are the same gifts the Germans presented at the Treaty of Versailles.

62. Tony Snow, White House press secretary

Back when he was a TV/radio host, he interviewed me about a column I wrote about not supporting the troops. And, though, like any normal person, he disagreed with me, he was thoughtful, curious and interested in my points. If he kept his cool then, he'll be fine at the new job.

63. Marielle Farnan, Perspectives Festival Director

She invited me to this panel about movies involving people with disabilities. The party at the Friars Club, where The Kids of Widney High played, was so good it not only showed me a whole new, fascinating culture but almost turned me into a caring person

64. Lisa Jervis, Bitch founding editor

Not only is this feminist zine about pop culture awesome, but reading it probably absolves me of some of the objectification I do.

65. Brian Farnham, former Details editor

Can I go to Hawaii in three days to interview Matthew Fox for a cover? Can you look the other way while I expense three days of the most expensive meals in America? I thank you and Chef Mavro thanks you.

66. Stephen Randall, Playboy executive editor

Here's the thing about getting sent somewhere—say a cruise to Mexico where you're playing for $7.5 million in prizes on the World Poker Tour—as a writer for Playboy: Ladies think you're sleazy. And, it turns out, ladies like being around sleazy.

67. Jaime Cozad, Service Advisor at Bob Smith Mini

She hooked my iPod up to my Mini Cooper, thus making me happier but even gayer seeming.

68. Reed Hastings, Netflix CEO

I don't have Netflix, but it was the easiest gift I've ever gotten for my Mom, my Dad and Cassandra's parents.

69. Megan Rutherford, copy editor

She makes me look smart by fixing my mistakes and making my sentences all good and stuff. I don't think she bothers with online articles.

70. Lance Armstrong, cyclist

The possibility of writing another Lance Armstrong story was a good enough excuse to sit in front of my TV for three hours every day in July watching the Outdoor Life Network live. Why my accountant couldn't figure out a way to expense that lost time is beyond me.

71. Lisa Miller Katz, casting director

Despite her objections to the idea, she got Peter Bogdanovich to come in and meet about playing my dad in an ABC sitcom. Bogdanovich asked me if I liked impressions. Then he proceeded to do famous people talking to Peter Bogdanovich about how great Peter Bogdanovich is. It was awesome.

72. Quan Phung, Fox senior vice president

I went to college with him, so he got me a high-paying blind script deal. That $30,000 a year paid for itself.

73. Ari Richter, friend

He's a really smart newspaper editor in New Hampshire. He has lots of ideas for columns. I use the ones I understand.

74. George W. Bush, President

By Michael Gorker

"Too many politicians base their convictions on popular sentiment, but not George. With his approval rating at an all time low, he stands by his word and doggedly defends his position to defend this country, dethrone dictators and terrorists, and set up a democracy in a hostile region. If his strategy is successful and a democracy thrives in Iraq, his contribution to world politics will be felt for generations."

75. Scott Jeffers, CPA

I had put tens of thousands of dollars into my new tax-shelter corporation, Steinacopia. But I couldn't figure out how to get any of it out. It was not a very good corporation, as far as I was concerned. Scott fixed that.