Punchlines: May 15, 2006
"Instead of sneaking in, if you want to be a U.S. citizen, do it the right way. Have Angelina Jolie adopt you." --JIMMY KIMMEL
"FEMA officials announced today that they're closing their New Orleans field office. A FEMA spokesman said, 'There's nothing left for us to do in New Orleans. Now could someone please get my car out of that tree?'" Â --CONAN O'BRIEN
"Another story where somebody finds something in their food: At a T.G.I. Friday's in Indiana, a male customer finds a human finger in his hamburger, and the management was terribly, terribly apologetic. They said, 'Oh, my God, that's supposed to be in the chili!'" --DAVID LETTERMAN
For more political humor, visit time.com/cartoons
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TOMMY WARD, whose family has been harvesting oysters from the Gulf of Mexico since the 1920s, on the FDA's plan to ban the sale of raw oysters that are harvested in warm months; about 15 people die each year due to raw-oyster contamination
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TOMMY WARD, whose family has been harvesting oysters from the Gulf of Mexico since the 1920s, on the FDA's plan to ban the sale of raw oysters that are harvested in warm months; about 15 people die each year due to raw-oyster contamination
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