The Tie That Binds

Let me tell you how people I spoke to whose mothers had died with unresolved relationships deal with it. They deal with it in therapy, they deal with it with a lot of pain, and it's never quite resolved. It's a hole in your heart that doesn't go away. I saw a lot of tears over a lot of kitchen tables all across America. So fix it while you can.

How?

When I'm talking with my friend who says, "I haven't seen my mother in years, and I don't care. I hate her," I just say, You can't say you're sorry at the funeral. Just say it right now. "Well, I'm not sorry." Well, say you're sorry even if you're not.

What's the value of that sort of apology?

What that does is bring you into this moment, this fleeting moment of relationship when all you have is now. I'm thinking how many delicious meals I've had with my mother over the past two years where we're just sitting and eating. All we're doing is being there. It's not about childhood issues that weren't perfect. It's not about issues in my 30s that weren't perfect. It's not about what I'll do when she dies. It's about that moment when it's perfect. It's a perfect moment, and it's available to all of us. But not for very long.