Singletons: Only Doesn't Mean Lonely

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All families, even big ones, start off with an only child. Some, however, stop there. Is that a mistake? Do kids denied the gift of sibs turn out to be spoiled, withdrawn, socially ham-handed?

The thinking used to be yes, yes, yes. But as increasing numbers of sibling researchers look at the question of singletons—the new, sensitivity-trained term for only children—they say such assumptions are becoming less and less accurate. No one has studied the only child more closely than social psychologist Toni Falbo of the University of Texas at Austin. In the 1970s, Falbo became interested in whether the popular singleton stereotype was true, and embarked on 30 years of research in the U.S., China, South Korea and elsewhere. She conducted personality surveys, administered questionnaires and conducted meta-analyses of other relevant research papers--essentially recrunching the singleton data in other scientists' work. Her conclusion: single kids do just fine—most of the time.

Unlike kids with siblings, singletons may indeed start out with the sense that the moon and the planets orbit around them; awakening to the reality that they're mortals after all can come as a jolt. But how much and how quickly the singletons adjust depends on a lot of things, including the kids' temperament.

"Some kids are very outgoing and will figure out quickly how to be successful," Falbo says. Others take longer.

In general, though, Falbo insists that the myth of the troubled singleton is just that, and she confesses her astonishment that so many people still regard that as news.

"They're amazed that, gee, singletons are just like anyone else," she says.