People: Aug. 14, 2006

SCREEN TEST

Assess your celebrity intelligence quotient with this week's fashion advisers, entrepreneurial sportsmen and fretful novelists:

1) ELTON JOHN says tattooed and pierced American rock bands should dress more like:

A) Him and David Bowie in the '70s--think androgyny and eye makeup

B) Him and David Bowie in the '90s--think androgyny and hair plugs

C) Björk--think androgyny and gowns inspired by aquatic birds

D) Cher

2) Yankees shortstop DEREK JETER'S newest moneymaking enterprise is:

A) A cologne called Driven, with notes of grapefruit, driftwood and moss

B) Dugout therapy sessions for confidence-shaken teammate Alex Rodriguez

C) Custom bobble-head dolls

D) Marrying George Steinbrenner's daughter

3) Authors John Irving and Stephen King begged Harry Potter writer J.K. ROWLING not to:

A) Invite that double- dipper Lemony Snicket to her next cocktail party

B) Kill off Harry in the last book

C) Crank-call them any more pretending to be Lord Voldemort

D) Ever let James Frey out of Azkaban ANSWERS: 1) A, 2) A, 3) B

IS THERE AN AMERICAN IDOL CURSE?

If it wasn't bad enough losing to a guy who belongs in a Celebrex ad, American Idol's KATHARINE MCPHEE has fallen victim to the curse of the Idol runner-up--a bum foot. The show's 2004 No. 2 Diana DeGarmo slipped down a flight of stage stairs, tearing a ligament. Last year Bo Bice broke his foot during some rigorous onstage bouncing. And now McPhee has tripped backstage, fracturing her left foot. All of which makes us wonder what those singers need more: to prove Simon Cowell and America wrong or to wear slightly more sensible shoes.

BRUCE WILLIS SUES HIS SCRAPBOOKER. REALLY

Apparently having already given out the obvious jobs of being his driver, chef or manager, BRUCE WILLIS hired a childhood friend to be his personal scrapbooker, organizing treasured photos, videos and memorabilia in exchange for free room and board on the Die Hard star's Los Angeles property. That sounds like a nifty idea--who wants to misplace that vintage Cybill Shepherd dartboard?--unless the friendship takes a turn. Willis is now suing Bruce DiMattia for more than $1 million, claiming his ex-archivist threatened to sell Willis' personal effects and write a tell-all book containing "highly personal, private and confidential information" unless Willis paid him $100,000 and bought him a car. That's rude. And silly. Now the guy will never get promoted to keg tapper.

Q&A JESSICA BIEL

As a 19th century duchess who falls for a magician in The Illusionist, Jessica Biel trades action for corseting.

You auditioned in full period costume. Are you usually such a go-getter?

In the past I wanted to audition for period pieces, and people kept saying I look too modern. All you have to do is pin-curl my hair and put me in a gown, and I'll look different. But there's not a lot of imagination in this town. Keira Knightley may be dying to get out of corsets, but I'm dying to get into one.

So what did you learn from playing a 19th century gal?