Memorable Performances of 2006

What do these two actors, three politicians and four musicians have in common? They all took the stage in 2006 and got us talking. But it wasn't always for the right reasons. Not all these performances are to be admired, but they are sure to be remembered.

JESSICA SIMPSON got so flustered at the Kennedy Center Honors as she was singing 9 to 5 to Dolly Parton that she stopped midway and fled the stage--hardly an argument for women in the workforce.

MICHAEL RICHARDS, a.k.a. Seinfeld's Kramer, lit into a heckler during his stand-up act, calling him a "nigger," joking about lynching and proving that as far as racist rants go, drunken anti-Semitism (à la Mel Gibson) is so last season.

JOHNNY DEPP, as Captain Jack Sparrow, steered critically disliked Pirates of the Caribbean II to the biggest opening-weekend take ever: $132 million. A royalty check to Keith Richards' personality is in the mail.

THREE 6 MAFIA had more fun than anyone else at the 2006 Oscars. The rappers gave the night's most energetic song performance--It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp, from the film Hustle and Flow. Then they won for Best Song, which led host Jon Stewart to observe, "Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. Three 6 Mafia, one."

JOHN KERRY doesn't want you to get stuck in Iraq. I mean, get us stuck in Iraq! The vet botched his anti-Bush punch line, making it sound antimilitary. Kids, if you can't tell a joke right, especially during elections, don't tell it at all.

JIM MCGREEVEY, the former New Jersey Governor, was the most contrite of Oprah's celebrity apologizers. Two years after saying "I am a gay American," he talked tactfully about his trysts, even though he wasn't promoting a book. Oh wait, he was.

PERVEZ MUSHARRAF, President of Pakistan, charmed the media--including a hilarious stop on The Daily Show--while promoting his aptly titled memoir, In the Line of Fire. Guess he takes those assassination attempts with a sense of humor.