Manners Matters

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Careful eating is required because you are properly dressed for the occasion. Pachter shows me photographs the class members have submitted of themselves in casual and business garb. The second set of pictures looks like a catalog of ill-fitting suits and hopeful smiles. In order to appear more professional, many of the women have tied back their hair while the men have toned down wild coifs. It's kind of sad, in a way, to see them begin their way along the corporate conveyor belt. Pachter expresses fondness for teaching college students: "They think this is great. They're looking for jobs, and they're beginning to believe that this matters."

A week later, I'm sitting in the audience at the plush Penn Club in midtown Manhattan, waiting to hear Post, the great-grandson of Emily, the etiquette pioneer. Post is turned out in corporate splendor--a sharp, dark gray suit. His tone is impassioned, as urgent as a preacher's. His message: Etiquette builds better relationships. Boiled down, he says, Biz Et has three aims: "Think before acting, make choices that build relationships, and do it sincerely." The well-tailored young business crowd pays rapt attention. They are the Rutgers pharmacy students fast-forwarded five or 10 years.

Now we get down to brass tacks--e-mail etiquette, a constant Biz Et pet peeve. "E-mails are public communications," cautions Post. "Murphy's Law is going to get you every time. E-mails get out." Ergo, don't send private messages. Don't flame a recipient; let your grievances simmer. Be careful about your grammar and word choice. Always proofread your messages carefully. Avoid digital slang like bcz; emoticons like :-) are :/). If you're not sure how formal to be, use an honorific like Mr. or Ms. until told to do otherwise.

Then Post, who has advised such companies as Verizon and Pfizer, wades into the fray around the hottest digital issue. He comes down on the side of paper thank-you notes. Rely on snail mail? Fine, send an e-mail and a card, he counsels. That strikes me as being as impractical as writing with a quill. Another sensitive subject: men helping women in business situations. Should a man hold a woman's chair at the table? The car door? Is it too chivalrous, too sexist? The best policy for men, says Post, is to ask the woman what she prefers: "May I help you on with your coat?"

There are literally hundreds of rules for corporate behavior in his hefty tome The Etiquette Advantage in Business, which he holds up. I would turn into a robot if I followed all of this new advice. But as Post says goodbye, he delivers some tough love: "Your actions outside of work affect you at work, whether you like it or not. It doesn't turn off at 5 p.m."