Manners Matters

(4 of 5)

Sabath's advice is practical, grounded in real business dilemmas. How do you develop instant rapport with someone? Ask a question based on what the person said to you the last time you spoke. One of the Ketchum executives mentions, to great laughter, that a corporate client of hers just told her that his wife had ordered a double oven. Well, said Sabath, next time, first ask your client how his wife is enjoying the double oven, rather than "Did you get that contract signed." That's a signal to the other person, says Sabath, "that nothing has crossed my mind except the last thing you mentioned."

All this is just prelude to my last stop. I'm back with Barbara Pachter for a one-on-one coaching session a few weeks later at her stylish home office in Cherry Hill, N.J. If you are a voluntary visitor to Pachter's studio, it means your employer cares enough about you and your future to plunk down more than $3,000 to smooth your rough edges. But if you appear via corporate command to what has been called charm school, you are probably in manners trouble. Sometimes bosses use Pachter to deliver embarrassing news, like the caution to the female executive who was wearing a bra that was hopelessly wrong.

Of course, Pachter is wearing black again. She sits me down and puts me through a series of questions, watching me all the while. I tell her about my train ride to nearby Philadelphia that morning and discover that I have just been evaluated on small talk. I pass. (I got into trouble for just that talent in high school.) She asks me about my background, my education. She evaluates my posture (Stand up straighter!), my demeanor (there is a "slight current of negativity"), my conversational mannerisms (I put my hands on my face and forehead, a no-no). We are now in the Mom Zone, times 10. My gestures pass muster, except that I am told I am playing with my bracelet. "I get paid to pick. It's a great job," says Pachter. "We don't expect people to be perfect. We expect them to be professional."

The pickiest part is yet to come. Pachter evaluates my appearance from haircut to shoes. "The first question people need to ask themselves: Is my clothing appropriate--for my job, my profession, my company, my part of the country? What's appropriate for a corporation in New York may be very different than that for a small office in the Southwest. You send a message through your clothing, and you want to know what that is." Then the particulars: "Your glasses are fine. You could go to a slightly hipper style without being funky. Let me see your watch. What kind is it?" A Citizen. "It's an O.K. watch, but if you want to move it up a notch, you have to move up your watch a notch." My carrying case, admittedly plain, needs to go. Get a Coach bag, she advises. I need to upgrade my pen too: a Cross or a Montblanc would be nice.

Name brands. Status symbols. Is that evil? Is that loathsome? Nope. We are talking about getting ahead here. Pachter and her fellow practitioners are offering Biz Et as a path to move you up the business social ladder. At least it's democratic. You don't need an M.B.A. to behave like a businessperson.