Downtime

Cheat Sheet. What you won't be able to avoid, what you should see--and what you should skip

UNAVOIDABLE ANDY BARKER, P.I. NBC, Thursdays, 9:30 p.m. E.T.

Danger is Andy Barker's business--danger, and itemized deductions. An accountant (Andy Richter) finds that his new strip-mall office comes with extras: the clientele of the previous tenant, a private dick. He takes on a case, awakening a stirring in his cream-filled soul, and opens a sideline as a sleuth. Richter (reteaming with Conan O'Brien, the show's co-creator) is charming as an Everyman dipping his toe into adventure, uttering G-rated curses ("Oh, Mother Hubbard!") and signaling his lane changes during 45-m.p.h. freeway chases. Fasten your seat belts; it's going to be a funny ride.

UNNECESSARY THE HOLIDAY Rated PG-13; on DVD March 13

A good romantic comedy is like a good holiday break. You want to revisit it. You want to start conversations with "Remember when ..." This is not that film, not even with Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Jack Black and Cameron Diaz. This is more like a weekend doing laundry. Not awful, just no fun.

UNMISSABLE

CASINO ROYALE Rated PG-13 On DVD March 13

Another franchise reinvigorated by a prequel, this film of Ian Fleming's first James Bond novel introduces Daniel Craig as a younger, surlier 007, with more abdominal rips than all 300 Spartans. Craig's Bond is a rogue warrior playing by his own brutal rules. The plot, as always, is irrelevant, so enjoy the movie for what it is: a bunch of cool stunts, gritty scenes and capital-A actors having fun.

60-SECOND SYNOPSIS READING JUDAS By Elaine Pagels and Karen L. King; 198 pages

All About The Gospel of Judas

A year ago, scholars got access to a bizarre document from about A.D. 150 called The Gospel of Judas. In it, Jesus promises Judas heaven for turning him in and maligns the rest of the Apostles for sacrificing their followers.

Princeton's Pagels and Harvard's King try to decipher the document. Why reward Judas? Because Jesus' death helps prove what the Gospel writer thought was Christ's real message: that his--and our--true essence is not flesh but immortal spirit. And the text bad-mouths other disciples as an indirect way of attacking 2nd century Christian bishops who encouraged believers to be martyrs.

The authors suggest the text was a polemic--and a losing one, since martyrdom became a pillar of the church. But its angry tone supports a favorite theme of Pagels': that not all early believers embraced doctrines now accepted as handed down directly from Jesus.

CULTURAL COINCIDENCE

Two new films tell the true tales of elaborate scams involving famous directors.

COLOUR ME KUBRICK Opens March 23

THE PLOT John Malkovich plays Alan Conway, a travel agent who pretends to be Stanley Kubrick

KEY SCENE He fools a critic from the New York Times

THE HOAX Opens April 6

THE PLOT Richard Gere plays Clifford Irving, who pretends to be Howard Hughes' biographer

KEY SCENE He fools a writer from Time magazine

IF YOU SEE JUST ONE The Hoax: Gere makes a mesmerizing liar