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SHOCKING

CLAY AIKEN artificially inseminates older record-producer pal. Just in time for Asexual Father's Day

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH: THE OPERA Including the hit aria May I have the next slide, please

ED MCMAHON struggles to avoid foreclosure on his L.A. home. Where's Publishers Clearing House when you need it?

Kurt Cobain's ashes stolen from COURTNEY LOVE'S home; Keith Richards wanted for questioning

Formula One boss MAX MOSLEY keeps his job despite alleged Nazi-themed hooker sex romp

Dunkin' Donuts ad pulled after RACHAEL RAY accused of wearing Arab scarf

PREDICTABLE

OK! magazine tries to pay LINDSAY LOHAN a rumored $1 million to say she's gay

At a Japanese baseball game, MARIAH CAREY throws first pitch ... into the dirt. Kansas City Royals offer five-year, $120 million contract

YOKO ONO loses lawsuit to get John Lennon's Imagine removed from Ben Stein's intelligent-design movie. Lennon apparently not a walrus after all

SAVANNAH KNOOP, who portrayed fake writer JT LeRoy, writes memoir, angering woman who actually wrote fake LeRoy memoir

SIMPSONS voice actors' salaries bumped up to nearly $400,000 per episode. Woo-hoo!

EDDIE MURPHY to star in Beverly Hills Cop 4: Career Homicide

KIM CATTRALL to star in yet another HBO comedy about sex in New York City

SETH ROGEN smokes "weed" at MTV Movie Awards

GEORGE CLOONEY is single again. What a loser

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE